I own five rats--was six until today. I had one of my rats get neutered because he was HIGHLY aggressive towards people and rats and could not be housed with any other rats. Nobody could hold him either because he would bite you and draw a LOT of blood. The surgery was fine, but the doctor thought he wasnt coming out of the surgery fast enough so she gave him more medicine to have him come out of it and he died shortly after. I feel terrible. I feel like I let Kovu down by making him go there to get neutered. I feel like I abandoned him. I wasn't there when he was dying. I feel like he wonders why I left him there. I feel like he might have thought I was torturing him or making him miserable because he made us "miserable" (his thoughts, what I am thinking). I am scared he felt alone, like he had no support while he was dying. I am scared he was scared to die. I was never able to hold this rat due to severe aggression, but I never imagined being able to hold this rat due to his aggression getting out of hand and him dying after the surgery to calm him. I am scared this will make my cutting and depression even worse for a while. I saw my therapist yesterday and I don't see her again until 6 more days. My depression and cutting has already been really bad lately.