My reasons

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Liz8067, Oct 26, 2010.

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  1. Liz8067

    Liz8067 New Member

    I am trying not to feel too sorry for myself but I am really struggling. I started attempting on Friday but stopped after xxx cos I don't want my husband to be made homeless. It was so hard to stop, once I had taken xxx seemed so appealing and so easy. But I also didn't want another failed attempt so I decided it was better to pretend it never happened, call the Samaritans and hang on for another day
    My reasons. I'm trying to list them like a to do list so they seem solvable but of course there's a lot of emotion involved and they are all wound up together. Here they are, even with the ones I am most ashamed of.
    I have bipolar, I have amazing months where life is vibrant and exciting but more often likenow, I feel sad, exhausted and suicidal.
    I used to tell people I have an anger problem. I don't act on it but I feel livid about the tiniest things.my stress levels are very high and I just can't cope with small annoyances.
    I have no purpose, last year I gave up my religion, I can't get a job, I only have a couple of friends, who I rarely see and I feel bored and empty.
    I lack motivation and find it really hard to be alone or find the energy to do my chores. Everything has slipped.
    I have 10 stone in weight to lose and it seems impossible.
    I love my husband but I am so fed up with our lifestyle, he just sits and eats while watching tv but I need some mental stimulation.
    I always dream I might get naturally I'll and die. Everytime my dr tells me I am in good health I think about suicide again.
    I have big personality issues like not being assertive, honest or being able to say no. They get mr in all types of problems, like last year I was sexually pursued by a family member. I also couldn't cope with my last two jobs.
    I am losing my self confidence and have a deep self hatred.
    I'm sure I'll add more later but for now I've got the worst off my chest.
    I am being allocated a cpn on Friday. Maybe that will help. I hope so cos I can't go on much further like this. Best wishes and thanks for reading.:sigh:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2010
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Wow, I could have wrote most of that post myself. Ever want to talk Im here for you. We have alot in common.

    Welcome to SF.
     
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Me too! I wish there was a magic wand to make us all better.
     
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