My Recovery

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by JV3, Jun 5, 2014.

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  1. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    It's been nearly two years since I posted on here, but I wanted to give some encouragement to everyone by talking about how my life has transformed since then.

    I guess first I should give a quick background on where I was. When I joined this forum towards the end of the summer of 2012 I was single and living with my parents. I was 27 years old and was extremely isolated and alone. The only friends I had were just people I played computer games with online. It felt like a pretty pathetic existence. Most of my old friends from college ditched me because I differed so much from them on certain faith-based issues. I harbored a lot of bitterness and confusion about what happened and I often couldn't sleep because it still bothered me so much.

    After spending 5 years at a university, I left with no degree because of an unforeseen financial catastrophe even though I had completed all my requirements for my degree. I owed a huge amount of debt so my records were sealed. This made it to where I couldn't get a job in the field I studied. I had a hard time finding work like so many people and wound up working at Dollar General just to get by. I worked there for a couple of years when my dad offered me a chance to come home and begin working with him in his accounting office. Despite having zero experience with accounting I took the opportunity just to get out of retail; however, I struggled majorly with the transition, and at the time I joined this forum, I was failing miserably at the job and feeling like I needed to change careers, but honestly I had no real skill set, and despite the the new job, I still wasn't making enough money to pay off my debt to get my degree.

    I also was attending and "leading worship" (I cringe at that phrase now) at a church that was very toxic to me at that time. I felt trapped there because my parents went there and a lot of people there depended on me so heavily. Most people use things like a church or religious organizations as a means to break away from their daily struggles, yet this particular place helped drag me down as low as I could possibly go. I was on "staff" at this church, and I saw things behind the scenes that brought my emotions and faith down to new lows.

    All of these things and more had been building for years, and I just got to the point where I wanted to die. I withdrew into myself completely and began planning my suicide. I had dealt with suicidal thoughts and deep bouts with depression in the past, but for the first time I had lost the fear of it. My depressed went from incredible sadness to numbness. I joined this forum because I knew that my life was jeopardy, and I reached out to people who might understand.

    This forum really helped me endure at the time, and there were a lot of people here to listen and a lot of people encouraged me by just letting me talk. Did my sadness go right away? No, but what happened was I was able to continue to hold on long enough for something to change. For that, I'll always be thankful to everyone here.

    It's been nearly two years now, and I can say that today I've never been happier and content with my life. I want bore you with all the details, but I would like to share the personal changes I have made that have helped me immensely.

    The first and most important was I got married. I met someone who really understands me and is very patient with me, but also someone who inspires me to be a better person. I will tell you that I feel like I got very lucky in meeting someone, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you. Marriage doesn't always solve peoples problems, though, and I know for many it has been a source of them, so I won't dwell on it too much. The important thing, for me, is that is has been something that forced me to change my mindset.

    Another thing I've done is get out of a lot of toxic situations. I left the church I was at. Another thing was I moved out of my house. While I have a great relationship with my dad, I feel that my mother and grandmother, who also lived at home with me, had toxic personalities. As terrible is it may sound, being away from them has been good for me. I still see them and talk to them, but it's only on my terms now, and if they start being too toxic, I can choose to get away from them or not talk to them. I think it's very important to keep people who bring you down at a distance. Can they still be in your life? Sure. Can you still love them as friends or family? Sure, but don't let negative people constantly into your life - no matter who.

    The last thing was I took charge of my career. I decided to try my best to get better, so I started taking online classes and pay as I go. I've improved immensely a my job, and work has picked up so much that I was actually able to pay my debt off at school already. I still struggle sometimes, but I know that everyday I get a little better and a little more knowledgeable. I would recommend to anyone, no matter what you (retail, food industry, construction, etc...) that educating yourself can do nothing but help you. I am not even going for a degree in accounting - I am just taking classes to learn and better myself and it has really paid off.

    I know it's easy to say these things now, and I've been there - so numb, so depressed, so confused to the point where I just wanted to end it. I just hope that my story gives some hope to someone and encourages someone out there. Definitely don't quit on yourself, and keep talking on here. It may not seem like much, but just venting and letting it out can really help you hold on long enough for something to change.

    Thank you to everyone who listened to me two years ago!

    Don't give up!

    - Jay
  2. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi Jay,

    I read your story/writing almost. I skipped a few lines in the middle due to my inability to concentrate on any topic.

    Thank You for sharing your very positive story with us. :butterfly4:

    You can write very well. You have chosen simple, yet effective and powerful words to deliver a message to us , that is we shouldn't ever give up. I feel that you are highly talented than many people in the domain of writing. Seriously, I feel peaceful after and during reading your note.

    My life's experiences is fairly similar to you. However, in this thread I will not talk about me because it's your thread.

    So, you joined this forum in 2012, when you were feeling extremely down. You have interacted with some good human beings here on SF (yes people here are very friendly), who gave you the space by letting you freely talk about your life in general. You were able to hold on long enough to make a change.(Great job!) :joyous:

    One of the first important things that happened in your life was that when you met someone who loves you, understands you and inspires you. You then got married.(Congratulations!) :happy:I think not only luck but also our willingness to go out and meet people also shapes our destiny of getting married to the right person.

    Then, you distanced yourself from semi-unhealthy/unhealthy relationships. You even started living on your own by getting your own house. (Wonderful. Very positive. I wish I could do that). You are right by saying that we should distant ourselves from people trying to influence us negatively - no matter who, even if they are our own blood. (Good point) :clap2:

    Last, but definitely not the least was the thing that happened to you was that when you took control of your career. We should educate ourselves, for it can only do good for us.(You are right on target.Correct) :excitement:

    In today's world, the most important and practical thing for happiness (I feel) is money in our pockets. Money to buy food to feed our tummies. In today's world God is losing His value.

    So, jay, you are in a career in accounting at present?

    Trust me, I am in a similar boat as you are and your experience has definitely inspired me to lead a more optimistic life.

    My advice to you is that you must write more often in your spare time, maybe as a hobby because you are naturally gifted in writing very well. You have the flair to involve people with your words.Trust me, I feel like that. You write so well. You definitely have a sharp mind.:cheerful:

    I am highly motivated by you. You are my hero, my role model.

    From a depressed and lonely negative person to a highly inspirational person (by being able to adjust to the society : living out of your family, marriage, job)
    you are a real life gem. Surely, you are one of the coolest person that I have ever interacted with. You are a changed person for the positive.

    I am deeply inspired.

    Thank You.

    :hugtackles:to you.
  3. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    That is very kind of you to say and I'm so glad my story had a positive impact on you! I definitely wanted to share it hoping it would.

    I have always dreamed of being a writer. My major in college was English (literature) with a focus on Creative Writing. My goal was to be a writer and teach as a hobby, but as you know, this didn't pan out like I thought it would. Regardless, I have never abandoned my dream of being a writer and I realize that I can be a writer no matter what I am doing.

    I think that I still lack the motivation and discipline to write a full-novel. I have probably a hundred ideas in my mind on stories, movies, plots, and self-help books I could write, but I just have such a hard time making it what I want. I believe, though, as I continue to get older and wiser and reflect more on my life and the things I've experienced that I will eventually reach a good place to begin pursuing a potential writing career or hobby. In my heart, I believe that time will come for me one day.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I agree with your vision Jay - how about a book title: "Escaping Toxic Religion" ?? You could cite some of my stories in it too, lol!

    @ pooky, Unfortunately God appears to be losing his value/credibility in today's frantic and pressurised world - but that doesn't mean he's not still there. Just with having bestowed freewill upon humanity out of love for them to make their own choices, there are more reasons now for choices which leave him out. And church can and does seem to be one of them - but that's not all there is to it....... the message needs to be said JV! :)
  5. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    I suppose the question for me is, "how do I say it in the right way?" Because I definitely don't want to come across as completely bitter or vengeful, but rather offer my point of view based off of my experiences and what I've come to learn for myself.

    I believe a lot of people choose their words unwisely and what they do say, while it my be just, can be just a momentary idea or flicker in the wind. I want to be much more strategic about the when and how.
  6. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Thank you for a really inspiring thread. I've been wondering whether to do some more study in my free time and you've convinced me that I should go for it.
  7. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the kind words!

    That's great about studying, btw! I was a terrible student when I was in college, but I believe I was there for all the wrong reasons. Mainly, because I felt pressure from my parents, peers, and society in general to go. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or what I would be good at, and just was never motivated enough to try me best; yet, I always felt pressure to "make the grades." Instead of trying to learn and really soak in my course work, I would just do whatever I could to achieve the best grade, and in some cases, just simply pass.

    Now that I am taking online courses for the career I'm currently in, it's a completely different experience. I honestly could care less what kind of grades I make now. The only thing I care about is learning and bettering my own knowledge so that I can be better at my job. As I have learned, good grades don't always mean you learned something. - it just means you might have done well on tests or papers. That's not how the real world works.

    Good luck to you, btw!
  8. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Thanks JV. Already started some reading now that my concentration is back!
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I do understand that JV - the mentor I told you about has worked out how this can be done, which is why I think you would like him - I had a lot to learn from him, pity I didn't know his wisdom before I did and said things the wrong way...... but as I remember him saying once: "God can shoot straight even through a crooked stick" - and I'm so grateful that is true :)
  10. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Hi friends,

    The original poster Jay is highly inspirational .He has a real life success story. So I posted here again. We should read this thread and try to improve our lives.

    I am highly motivated by him and I thank him and all of you for your support.

    You all are great, trust me.
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