My relationship issue: Something has to change.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by AlexDanish, Dec 28, 2008.

  1. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    So, maybe a small amount of you know my situation with my friend. I haven't been here for awhile, though. I'm going to repost it anyways.

    I'm in love with a girl. I have been for a year and a half. The same girl. Our relationship is a little different. She's dated 3 other guys, currently dating the third.

    We have a different relationship. She describes us as "Soul Mates". Says things like "We'll know eachother forever" and "We'll always be in eachothers lives".

    The problem is, she always in a relationship with someone else and they all fucking hurt her in the end but she's reluctant to date me. Although she has said she is attracted to me "She doesn't want to lose me". At the same time, I really don't even know what she's trying to tell me. And even when things are great between us, she always blows me off for her boyfriend. She's always busy with him. I mean, I know I'm only a friend, but if we're soul mates surely she can spend some time with me too?

    I wrote her a letter in October explaining what I thought about our relationship, about us. She wrote a letter back, but she ripped it up because "She thought I was dead" because I was back in the hospital's psyciatric ward.

    Things got really great between us after I got out, but then they degenerated in a non-spoken kind of way. Now she doesn't even say "I love you" (Which she has, the past year. We've been in love, but not "In that way")

    And now she's in Montreal for the christmas vacation. We always planned to talk about things during the break but it's like she's completely blown it off. She hasn't responded to any of my text messages lately. It feels completely like she doesn't even care about us anymore.

    I've been told to move on by many friends. But I we're soul mates. And that's the nature of our relationship. I love her, and I want to be there for her. But there's always a point where we get close, but she's always dating someone else.

    It's been a fucking year and a half. I've been waiting for a god damned long fucking time. How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to approach her? How can I move on? (Not from being soul mates, that's going to stay. But from me being attracted to her).

    The whole situation makes me feel completely numb.
  2. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Well, i think in terms of "soul mates", i think in your case it will mean that you two will be really close friends for life, but that's it. The fact that she's dated several other guys (and even blows you off as you said for the guy) sugguests that ya, she may find you maybe attractive, but she'll prob never date you. Could be any number of reasons, one of em will be the fact that like she says, she doesnt want to lose you. She doesnt want to end up dating you, it change your relationship with her to a real "loving" relationship, and then u 2 potentially breaking up and never being the same or even potentially never seeing one another again. So from the sounds of it she wants to keep you as a close friend and that's it. You two are probably really attracted to one another as well because you prob have a ton in common, which is what also makes you such great friends. How do you move on then? Well, that will be up to you in your mind to draw the line and finally say to yourself "this is as far as we're going to go in our lives" and start looking for someone else.

    Of course that's just my take on the situation so....
  3. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    You're right. I'm going to just move on, finally, and completely. Shut out the chapter of waiting in my life. A year and a half is long enough.
  4. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    You say you've always been there for her as a friend and have waited for a year and a half. I know what you mean and that it seems really unfair but at the same time, what about what she wants? It sounds like you're in a friendship with her because you're waiting around for her to see you in 'that' way and that it isn't right for her to do that to you after you've given her so much. But giving her so much because you want to be in a relationship with her doesn't make you a good friend, it makes you insensitive to what she wants and an opportunist.

    I hope you won't take any offense because all I mean to do is put things out in the open so you can see it from an outsider's perspective, I don't have any ill-will towards you at all. I think you're right to move on but if you're throwing away the friendship because she doesn't want a relationship, what does that say about why you became friends in the first place? If you didn't love her from the beginning, shouldn't that part of her that attracted you still be there? Just a few things that came to mind, if they don't apply to you at all and I misunderstood just put them out of mind.
  5. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    Well, thanks for the harsh criticisms, (and I apologize in advance) but maybe I can dispel some of the negative connotations you seem to have grasped from my thread starter.

    We've been good friends the entire time. Normal fights and everything, but good friends. And we'll continue to be, but an "opportunist" I am not. I simply want to move on... from me wanting to be in a relationship so bad, to just being best friends (Which we still are). I just don't want to stay hoping that we will eventually end up in a relationship.

    You see, she has kind of led me on in the past. She said alot of things to me in the summer, leading me to believe that she was indeed interested, and now she is apparently "unsure" etc etc. Things like that. I'm not only friends to be in a relationship. I've been attracted to her, she said she was to me, so I've been waiting. But it's complicated.

    Hopefully now you can drop some of the subtle jabs at my character. Also, I never even began to imply I'm throwing away our relationship, rather just the part of me that wants to be in a relationship. I want to move on: but from that thought, not at all from being friends or soul mates with her.

    I still loved her from the beggining. I still love her now, I still love her when she acts cold to me. I do love this girl, and I always will. But I just want closure from her in regards to our relationship. Even if its good or bad. So I can finally be free from that "not knowingness" so to speak.