I'm new here and looking for some help to assess my level of risk. I'm middle-aged and lately have been thinking what a relief it would be to leave this world, by whatever means. Ideally, I hope for an accident or illness because I don't want my family too deal with the guilt or stigma of suicide. Also, it would be easier for them to collect on my life insurance. Thus, there are things in play that are keeping me hanging around but I am beginning to see the attraction of an end. Another thing keeping me around is my perception of value to my family. I try to do things that make their lives a little easier and if I am gone life will be a little bit harder for them. I'm pretty sure I would be grieved. Sometimes, it seems that might not be so, but I am not so far gone to think that my end would not cause at least a ripple. But I'm also pretty sure that my leaving would be gotten over fairly quickly and might even be liberating for some family members. Thus, the two things holding me back are worries about life insurance and the sense that I provide some value to the quality of my family's life. So am I a fraud? Am I in some early stage of misery with a long way to go before I am truly suicidal? Just so you know, I've been assessed for depression in the past and failed to meet the clinical threshold, so I am still fairly functional. Though the way things are trending, I'm not sure how long that will last.