My Risk?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TonyK, Nov 7, 2013.

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  1. TonyK

    TonyK New Member

    I'm new here and looking for some help to assess my level of risk. I'm middle-aged and lately have been thinking what a relief it would be to leave this world, by whatever means. Ideally, I hope for an accident or illness because I don't want my family too deal with the guilt or stigma of suicide. Also, it would be easier for them to collect on my life insurance. Thus, there are things in play that are keeping me hanging around but I am beginning to see the attraction of an end.

    Another thing keeping me around is my perception of value to my family. I try to do things that make their lives a little easier and if I am gone life will be a little bit harder for them. I'm pretty sure I would be grieved. Sometimes, it seems that might not be so, but I am not so far gone to think that my end would not cause at least a ripple. But I'm also pretty sure that my leaving would be gotten over fairly quickly and might even be liberating for some family members.

    Thus, the two things holding me back are worries about life insurance and the sense that I provide some value to the quality of my family's life. So am I a fraud? Am I in some early stage of misery with a long way to go before I am truly suicidal?

    Just so you know, I've been assessed for depression in the past and failed to meet the clinical threshold, so I am still fairly functional. Though the way things are trending, I'm not sure how long that will last.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are not a fraud in any way - you feel what you feel - that is not discussion for other people to pass judgement on. I am sorry that at the current time how you feel is not good. I would be less concerned about what assessment oyu had in the past and let them do another one. So far as whether this is a blip or the beginning of a downward trend or the last day you will not be happy and filled with joy I do not believe anybody could answer with more than a guess but being proactive and seeking help and talking about it here are all good steps.....
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