Well... so I realized something kind of crazy today... well unhealthy I suppose is a more correct term for what I'm realizing. I've created another life for myself. Whenever I am sad or lonely or desperate in my own life and I run off to my other world. No literally of course, just... in my imagination. I imagine a boy there, that boy changes often, but he is always the man I want and the man I need. I use to imagine boys I knew saying certain things to me, doing certain things, lol, etc etc. Sometimes it turns sexual and I masturbate to my fantacies, other times I just allow myself to imagine what it would be like to be loved. Well... these... day dreams I suppose you could call them... are the only place I take my guard down. The men I imagine are the only people who see the real me... Am I crazy? Should I be working harder to be that person around everyone, not just my imaginary friends? lol.... wow I sound crazy. Oh well... if ever there was a place to sound crazy this is it.