My Second and last thread...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by guardian, Sep 11, 2006.

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  1. guardian

    guardian Member

    well... this is it... ive written a post 2 min ago... decided it wont help... theres nothing in here that look like my story... nothing i can relate to...

    im just an x drug addict who deserves to die...

    i live at 3. floor.. ill jump out tonight at 3:am (2 hours, 46min. from now) exactly... fuck it all... i wont response to any applies in this thread...

    bye all...

    i really hope for all of u, that u find happieness...

    see u all upstairs... bye
     
  2. La La Lies

    La La Lies Member

    =[ i'm so sorry.
     
  3. blub

    blub Guest

    Why don't you tell your story? Their might be people here, who are dealing with the same problem. I don't know who, because I'm also new here. But please don't jump. You don't deserve to die. PLease try to stop taking drugs. I know its hard and if you'll stop it will always be tempting. But read your own sig. Stay alive, stay loved. So please don't jump :hug:
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Someone here may be able to help you with what they have been through. Just because you haven't seen anything here that is the same doesn't mean we might not understand. Please tell us more about yourself. Hold on a little longer. Give yourself a chance. :hug:
     
  5. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    I think you need to give yourself some credit. You said "x" drug addict. You quit. That's amazing and it's no easy feat. If your life isn't worth living then why not post your story, it could help someone else who is struggling with addiction.




    J.
     
  6. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    I'm intersted too. It may really help someone to hear about your struggle. Then, the next guy to come on here and say no one has a story like his won't have to, he can see yous!

    Would really like to know how your doing right about now, what brought you to this point and why you believe jumping from a 3rd story window is going to fix everything.

    Judy
     
  7. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    Ugh

    My msn is monarch927@hotmail.com guardian.

    I wont give you any sweety hugs advice. But I will give you some hard cold truth.

    Contact me then decide.

    Im on your side bro
     
  8. guardian

    guardian Member

    ... Lifeline...

    1-10... life seemed like the best gift u can be given.. i had no problems at all.. just living life..

    10-13.. got the wrong kinda friends... i just felt like i wanted to break away from the family, im the last born of 4 children, non of them have an education or a job... the pressure were on my shoulders, i had to become someone big... high education or super athlet or whatever... i had to bring them the financial security that they coudnt get on their own in this world.. parents was fighting, fighting about where i should live... i felt like i was the problem...

    12-15 Started taking drugs... it took away my problems... i coudnt care less about my family... everything became second priority.. except the drugs.. everyday was about, "how do i get my drugs?".. and this aint kind people i hang out with.. danish gangs... =/ but i took it one day at a time... untill the day i ate the pill (ecstasy) that almost made me phsycotic, i hallucinated and had wierd thoughts for 3 months, i thought everyone wanted to kill me... (try think of the scarediest thing u can thing of, multiply that with 10 and live in that for 3 months)... thats when i decided to stop taking drugs...

    15-19.. i got in rehab when i was 15 years old, got therapy.. i was there a year... when i came out, the pressure was on again... and then i started feeling like i did, when i started taking drugs... 1 big evil circle... it never ends.... i cant take it anymore.. i feel like i cant do anything, im useless, im nothing... im an outcast... i deserve to die... nobody would even miss me, im 1 big failure!


    :huh: thats how i feel..


    Chamillionaire - Rain

    [ Scarface sings]

    God knows, how I feel now
    On the outside I'm smiling, but inside a nigga know he hell bound
    It's a dark road, and I'm right here in the middle of it
    Do I walk slow or if I run, am I'm missing some'ing
    I took the time out, to save a little bread
    Now my eyes, got water in em
    Why the fuck am I still standing here, nobody love me I ain't happy here
    My mama said, she can't handle him
    But still, I'm looking at the bright side
    But I view it through my other eye, cause it's a different color sky
    Then the last one, my mind set on the prize that may never come
    So do I try to stay alive, or do I grab a gun
    End it all, put a stop to the pain
    That goes on in my head, everytime it rains
    But that was speaking, so you listening to the thoughts
    Of an evil spirit, in demonic verses everytime I talk
    I'm confused, by my psychologic close set backs
    In the storm, watching out through the wet cracks
    Looking for heaven, off in all the wrong places
    I've given up so all long faces, let it rain
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2006
  9. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    ..."that how I feel".

    You said, "1 big evil circle... it never ends.... i cant take it anymore.. i feel like i cant do anything, im useless, im nothing... im an outcast... i deserve to die... nobody would even miss me, im 1 big failure!


    thats how i feel.."

    ...

    The good news is, just because you FEEL it doesn't make it true.

    I know you feel like you can't take it anymore, you feel useless, you feel like nothing, you feel like an outcase, you feel like you deserve to die, you feel like no one would miss you and you feel like a big failure.

    I'm sorry you are experiencing all the worst emotions have to dish out right now. It must be emotional agony and torment. But feeling this way does not mean it's the least bit true. The truth is you CAN get through this, you ARE NOT useless, you are somebody, you are a fellow human being struggling with a terrible emotional weight. People WILL miss you and you ARE NOT a failure, there is time to try again.

    Under such emotional weight it may be hard to think clearly right now but tell me how killing yourself is going to fix things? Will you then be less of a failure in your own eyes, will you feel less like an outcast, feel useful and feel like a somebody? Killing yourself only steals from you your birthright. You have the right to life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

    Keep in mind suicide is not a solution, it is an end before a solution can be found. It can't be considered an option because an option means we have a choice and death robs us of both option and choice. Death is also an irreversible act that does not end the pain, because it remains in those who are left behind.

    Let's talk about a way towards what you really want. A way towards fixing things, trying again, and pursuit of happiness. If I could grant you one wish (aside from death) what would you need, what would you wish for, to be ok in this world?
     
  10. guardian

    guardian Member

    all i want is to feel normal, appreciated, loved, and succesfull.... Like all the other people in the world, sometimes i take a walk, and go think things through, and look at all the happy people.. life is unfair... why are some people getting through life so easy... while others have to struggle with everything =/

    every time i start on something new, ill drop out after 2 weeks, then i get too depressed to carry on...

    i dont fit in, in this world...

    I cant think of anything except death to wish for...

    Well death is an option... it would end my pain instantly..

    and i dont know what to do to get passed this depressing feeling, so is there really any other option!?

    everyday, i get my hopes up...
    i hope that the bank im in will get robbed and ill get caught in the cross fire... i hope when i get out of the bank ill get hit by a car...
    i hope when i get home that my apartment will burn,
    i hope when i sleep, ill never wake up again...
    i hope...
     
  11. merricat

    merricat New Member

    I don't mean to be cold. But 3rd floor doesn't guarantee you would be dead. It is very possible you will be badly injured, and not dead. Better think carefully before you do anything important like ending your life
     
  12. stay with us Guardian, we may not fully understand how you feel or where you are, but many of us have been down similar roads.


    stay with us please :hug:

    PM me if you want to talk
    gabriel
     
  13. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Read some of the stories of members and you will find that we have all been in that evil circle, the vortex of depression, the deep hole of doom. We greatly HATE it.
    But we get on medication (for depression, anxiety and host of other things), and come here to share and give support. Have you seen a dr. yet? Have you tried meds yet? Do your parents know that you are feeling this pressure? This is a place that knows what you are going thru. I really hope that you will look for solutions to coping with some of the pressures of your family/life. We are not proffessionals, but we know pain firsthand. PAIN makes you want to die. Don't set a deadline.


    Talk to Cyesis (above) he can tell you of hurt and pain. We all can.
    Don't give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  14. guardian

    guardian Member

    well... i read some of the other stories in here, and many new things pop up... like am i anti social and stuff, cause recently ive been much alone, turned down offers from people that invited me to parties, now they dont ask anymore cause i said no so many times... i feel a trange feeling in my stomach when they ask.. sometimes i said yes, but i coudnt get myself to go... and today i found it a bit scary to leave my apartment... strange huh!? :sad:

    im also as other people write afraid of the future, cause i cant see myself work with other people around me... so thats worry me alot...

    i lost my appetite, and im awake at night and sleep at day... the school have written to me... i will be kicked out soon... :sad:

    i dunno what to do... i tried telling my dad... he cant see the problem, he just keeps telling me that i need to get a grib and just go to school!! well, it aint that easy, if it was i would just have been going!

    im going to the doctor on monday, i want some meds, cause i cant stand this... even as im writing this tears are dropping from my eye's...

    its all too much for me... i dont wanna be in this world anymore!
     
  15. guardian

    guardian Member

    i feel a bit better today...

    i decided to say yes to go to some clubs with some old friends... and im all ready to go... but have the strangest feeling in my stomach right now... :unsure: it feels kinda wrong to go... but ive heard its not good to close everyone out of ur life... so im going to go tonight and see how it goes...

    ill post how it went later...

    talk to yall later... :smile:
     
  16. guardian

    guardian Member

    im back already...

    guess what.. they werent there when i showed up... why do some people think thats funny?!?!?! :dry:

    im not even mad... i dunno why, maybe because i didnt wanna go in the first place.. anyways...

    how are yall doing today?
     
  17. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're going to go to the doctor, medication, while it's not always the answer, can really make a difference. Especially if you are feeling anxious about leaving the house.

    You're friends who stood you up are morons, I hope you don't take it too personally. Some people are inconsiderate and THEY are the ones who should feel bad, not you. I think it's great that you made an effort to go out though. Sometimes taking little steps like that can really make a difference.

    I hope you keep pushing forward, I really believe that there is a light at then end of the tunnel.


    J.
     
  18. guardian

    guardian Member

    yea... i try to take some small steps all the time, but then i get knocked the hell back! today i got kicked out of school...

    i tried to tell them that i wasn't feeling well, and im going to the doctor tomorrow...

    but i was muted, they didnt listen at all, i gave up... i just sat there, thinking "shut the fuck up you morons! u dont have any clue what im going through" like they care anyway!...

    i have no income now, ill prob lose my apartment soon too... then i have nothing left... cept my pathetic life...

    i wish i knew u guys in real life, atleast u understand how this feels...
     
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