... Lifeline...
1-10... life seemed like the best gift u can be given.. i had no problems at all.. just living life..
10-13.. got the wrong kinda friends... i just felt like i wanted to break away from the family, im the last born of 4 children, non of them have an education or a job... the pressure were on my shoulders, i had to become someone big... high education or super athlet or whatever... i had to bring them the financial security that they coudnt get on their own in this world.. parents was fighting, fighting about where i should live... i felt like i was the problem...
12-15 Started taking drugs... it took away my problems... i coudnt care less about my family... everything became second priority.. except the drugs.. everyday was about, "how do i get my drugs?".. and this aint kind people i hang out with.. danish gangs... =/ but i took it one day at a time... untill the day i ate the pill (ecstasy) that almost made me phsycotic, i hallucinated and had wierd thoughts for 3 months, i thought everyone wanted to kill me... (try think of the scarediest thing u can thing of, multiply that with 10 and live in that for 3 months)... thats when i decided to stop taking drugs...
15-19.. i got in rehab when i was 15 years old, got therapy.. i was there a year... when i came out, the pressure was on again... and then i started feeling like i did, when i started taking drugs... 1 big evil circle... it never ends.... i cant take it anymore.. i feel like i cant do anything, im useless, im nothing... im an outcast... i deserve to die... nobody would even miss me, im 1 big failure!
:huh: thats how i feel..
Chamillionaire - Rain
[ Scarface sings]
God knows, how I feel now
On the outside I'm smiling, but inside a nigga know he hell bound
It's a dark road, and I'm right here in the middle of it
Do I walk slow or if I run, am I'm missing some'ing
I took the time out, to save a little bread
Now my eyes, got water in em
Why the fuck am I still standing here, nobody love me I ain't happy here
My mama said, she can't handle him
But still, I'm looking at the bright side
But I view it through my other eye, cause it's a different color sky
Then the last one, my mind set on the prize that may never come
So do I try to stay alive, or do I grab a gun
End it all, put a stop to the pain
That goes on in my head, everytime it rains
But that was speaking, so you listening to the thoughts
Of an evil spirit, in demonic verses everytime I talk
I'm confused, by my psychologic close set backs
In the storm, watching out through the wet cracks
Looking for heaven, off in all the wrong places
I've given up so all long faces, let it rain