My second attemt WILL work. I'll be dead soon :)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by J__Doe17, Apr 20, 2013.

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  1. J__Doe17

    J__Doe17 Member

    I need to die, I don't want to live. What's my purpose? All I do is screw things up and make them worse for everybody else. After this attempt; the world will be a better olace without me
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    So sorry you feel like that. Have you tried talking about how you feel and what's going on in your life?
  3. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    Just wait, you said earlier that "I try to do everything right. Get good grades, son't get detension, do all my chores. And I do and more but no matter what I do I always end up screwing up so badly that it effects other people's lives in a negative way"

    Please, tell us, what do you mean? Good grades, do what you should, maybe you're being way to hard on yourself... Listen to Theodora, give us some info, we may be able to help you. You may also want to consider calling a help line. It certainly can't hurt, as killing yourself will cause MUCH greater pain to those around you than you can imagine, much more than the small chance someone finds out you called that number...
  4. srilu

    srilu Member

    Please dont think like that.God sent everyone of us here for some reason.Just do what you have to do.
    Remember you are not here to please someone.
    No one in this world is perfect.Be brave
    be yourself n be happy with what you have and what you are.
    When you start loving yourself everyone around you will love you tooo.
    Try your best in every thing.When you screwup something dont worry because it was meant to be like that.
  5. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Why don't you phone the emergency services and get assistance now.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You don't want to die really that is why you are reaching out here talking to us now. You want the sadness to end the darkness yes but just mere fact you are talking to us shows us you want to live.
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Can you do something that will take your mind off how your feeling dep down.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I would strongly advise that you get some professional help asap. Suicide is not the answer. You can PM me if you want.
  9. J__Doe17

    J__Doe17 Member

    Their pain will heal over time. Everyday I wake up and feel more dead than alive and I fake being happy for everyone's sake. I want to be dead rather than being alive but feeling dead all the time
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Do you have anyone close to you that you can talk to about this?
  11. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    please reach out to someone close to you x
  12. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    This is such a misunderstood statement. I am a parent and I lost my son to suicide. I work with families who have lost loved ones too. One thing that I can promise everyone is that the pain we who are left behind feels will NEVER ever go away. It is like our hearts have been removed and smashed and put back in all wrong. The pain, the nightmares, the emptiness... that never leaves us.

    I'm not trying to change your mind (I wish you would, but I know that only you can make the right decision) - BUT, what I am saying is to please listen to an expert when they tell you that you're incorrect; the pain will never heal.
  13. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    why fake a smile and not tell everyone how you feel? it would lift a whole weight off your shoulders no? and well, we're here so tell us why you feel that way?
  14. mes1234

    mes1234 Member

    Just try a little longer. I know shit sucks right now I feel you. But I changed my meds and I'm kind of seeing a therapist and I have just a little hope now. It's still better than before. And that's all that matters. Just try a little longer.
  15. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    J_Doe17 ~ it sucks, that feeling that "I must do" and when it's all for others it can be hard to just breathe much less keep up the masquerade that "no, really, I'm fine, happy, carefree". The truth is we're not fine trying to deal with life's pressures, parent's, friend's, and most of all our own real or perceived responsibilities. It's too hard some days but the amazing thing is, if we can hold on and learn to be kind to ourselves, even just a tiny bit, each day does get a little better. There are still hard, bad days but they begin to have a little distance between the really bad days.

    You weren't meant to have a life that is so hard and sad. None of us were. Maybe, because we are special, we feel more deeply and therefore hurt more desperately than many around us. Or maybe everyone suffers this way but many are too good at hiding it, staying silent, allowing the inner screams to pierce only their own ear drums.

    Why really doesn't matter. What matters is you are unique and precious. You have a purpose for being here. You may not know what it is yet. You may not realize that you very likely are someone else's lifeline. You may be THE most important person another is waiting to meet.

    I hope you will hang on. I hope you will choose one thing today, in living, that is kind and loving just for and to you. I hope your purpose for being here is made clear to you in the very near future. I hope you stay and experience all the joy your future has in store (even though, in the painful moment, you do not believe that is possible.) ♥ ♥ ♥
  16. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    your family will not get over it if you die. :hug: I dont say that in a mean way at all. I just want you to know that it doesnt work that way. It is a pain that never leaves. The pain of a child dying, never heals. honest and truely I am saying the truth. :hug:

    If people understood that reaching out for help will make their light shine brighter for people, then maybe it would be easier to speak up and say they do need help. So they can be the light that they honestly are meant to be.
  17. J__Doe17

    J__Doe17 Member

    One person, but I'm afraid he'll give me that look of his that just spells disappointment. He saved me the first time I tried to commit suicide. Thankfully he never told anyone about that so it's just been me and him. He doesn't know I'm planning a second attempt. I just don't know if I can tell him I'm ready to die again. I hate that look of pure dissapointment in his eyes. It makes me wanna cry. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to see that dissapointment yet. He thinks I'm doing so well. . .
  18. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I'm sorry you feel like this, I sometimes feel like this too, but I still have hope for myself.
    Here for you if you need to talk or vent about anything. Hope you're doing okay.
    Pm me too if you wish too. :)
  19. J__Doe17

    J__Doe17 Member

    If I remove all traces of my exsistence from my room and the house, it'll be easier on them. No shity photos to remind them of their failure fucked up duaghter. It takest ime to remove all traces of me but in the end it'll be easier for them. They wont remember me as much. I dont want to be remembered at all. Hell I don't even want a grave. I want to be cremated and thrown away into the rain. No memories, easier healing time
  20. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    You can not forget something of that magnitude.

    I attempted twice in my life, the last time was nearly 6 years ago - but although I'm very happy in my life and have in the best sense 'moved on' - not a day goes by when I don't think about it.

    And that's someone who failed in the act...Imagine what it would be like for someone who finds a body, loses a child or has to inform a parent...

    Feel free to drop me a PM - you deserve to feel better about yourself (and indeed, your self)
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