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my shocking realisation

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emily83, Apr 11, 2013.

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  1. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hi all,

    well, today while thinking about life, i came to a really shocking realisation- i only have 2 things that i'm living for. 2 things

    overeating- which is bad for me anyway,

    and my friend laura.. who i know online, but never actually met in person

    today- it's dawning on me how lost i actually am. laura's out on an activity day, and the food here.. well their's hardly anything left- and i'm sitting here thinking, what the hell am i going to do with myself?. i'm so lost

    plus no ones in the house, not until 3 anyway.. i feel so lonely- and just want someone to talk to or something

    sorry for sounding desperate- but it's how i'm feeling today

  2. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    hi. I feel so awake and have been awake since 1 pm yesterday afternoon. it's like 5 in the morning here. can't sleep lol anyway, if you ever want to talk feel free to talk to me.:)
  3. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i can never seem to sleep either- you're not the only one!

    it's why i have such a big dvd collection, i suppose. always have something to watch
  4. Ataraxia

    Ataraxia Member

    Hi Emily! Do you feel any better? How come there's only one person in your life to live for? I haven't done the online thing in a while but from what I remember it can be pretty easy to find people to connect with. Especially now that the world is more connected then ever.
  5. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hello Ataraxia

    i'm feeling a little better- but not much.

    i watched the boat that rocked this afternoon.. that was enjoyable.

    why is their only 1 person in my life?

    well, i can't really anser.. why my family refuse to accept me the way i am, why i have no real friends (not online ones), and why therapists constantly let me down.

    suppose i'm just 1 of those cases where people spend years joking about my life to it gets to the point they can't see how much i'm hurting, so you just fall through the gap- and no one will help you, because they just arn't interested in what's happening

    emily xx
  6. Ataraxia

    Ataraxia Member

    I have someone in my life who went through a similar situation. Sucky therapists, non empathetic friends and family. It makes you feel undesirable. It makes you feel as if your the problem. You feel as your doing something wrong so people don't like you. To me you sound like you have people around you who just don't care just like my friend.

    Just remember the problem isn't you, its them. You know what happened with my friend? She tried for years with no luck with finding friends who actually care. Until just recently she got a new job where she just found people who cared. They appreciated her, enjoyed her company and genuinely cared. You just have to find one more person who cares. Then you will have three reasons to live :) And you can use that to give you enough strength to just keep going further and get stronger. I know its hard. I know it looks hopeless (I'm speaking from experience) but things can get better.
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Hey Emily
    Do you have other forums where you chat to people or places where you can visit locally in your area. If you can go and visit a neighbour or a local friend in the neighbourhood.
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