my short stories what do you think?

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by wants2die, Feb 17, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. wants2die

    wants2die Well-Known Member

    hey Im an aspiring writer and I would like you guys too read my short stories and tell me what you think. please excuse the punctuation errors and spelling errors in some of the stories I never said I was the best writer. here is the first one if you guys like it I will post more.


    The Room

    I woke in a corner of a room. The room was empty and there were no windows or doors. I had no idea were I was, what time it was, or what day it was. I shouted out “Hello, can anyone here me?” But there was just silence. I sat down in the corner where I was previously. I was thinking about what I did last night, but it was hard to remember. I was pacing back and forth, it felt like hours have past and nothing has changed at all in this room. Until, I heard a thump noise against the wall. Thump, thump, thump over and over again, I ran over to the wall were the noise was coming from. I started to shout “hey, let me out of here.” The second I started to do that the noise stopped. I keep banging and shouting on the wall hoping maybe who ever it was will help me but it was no use.

    It seemed like a whole day has past and there has been no change. I was going mad, I started to slam my self against the wall hoping I would go right through it. With all my force and weight it didn't even seem like I dented the wall at all. All of a sudden the room started to shake. I was getting thrown all over the place and could hardly keep my balance. I fell to the floor and was rolling around. I tried to get back up, but the room was shaking so much that I lost my balance and slammed my head against the wall and knocked me out cold.

    I woke up again and what seemed to be in the same place as the first time. Again nothing has changed. There is nothing I can do, I was loosing my mind and I can't go on. How did I get here and what could possible happen next? I had my back up against the wall, and it started to move forward slowly. I jumped up and looked and saw that all the walls were moving in. I started to panic and knew I only had a few minutes left. I looked up and saw as high up as it was no ceiling. I knew that was my chance but I had to act fast. When the walls were close enough I put one of my hands on one side and the other on the other side, and dashed up to the ceiling as fast as I could. The space was getting smaller but I had to make it. The ceiling was reachable, and I grabbed on to it and pulled my self up just before the walls completely closed in. I was relived to be out of there but it didn't seem to matter. I was in a bigger room, but this time there was a window down on the far end. I walked over to the window and looked through it. At first I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw a computer with words on it that were written like a story. That's when it hits me, I'm not a person I was a thought.


    So what do you think?
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Very good hun :hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.