My sick thoughts:( sorry mayb TRIGGERING

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tranceadikd, Nov 20, 2010.

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  1. tranceadikd

    tranceadikd Member

    I dont know if this is the right forum sorry if it isnt... also sorry if it contains to full on info... dont know where else to get it off my chest... and if i have over stepped the line in what ive said please dont ban me... its not like i can talk to somone in personn about this fucked up shit...
    The thought of dying with someone whilst having sex plagues my head. Day in day out. It started off with the usual suicidal thoughts but after yrs off research i became alot more obsessed more in a sexual way. Is it wrong for me to feel so dirty as to want to f*k whilst dying. It has become more wild too. I am becoming more sadistic in my head. I hate myself so much for being so sick. I am female early 20s which makes things worse. I have alot sicker thoughts i just cant find the words to describe them. I HATE myself SO much. Who would ever listen and not judge my sick thoughts. Who would think, that i wouldnt act on them. No one. I have to live with these dark dark secrets.
    So sorry if ive offended anyone :(
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    do you have a therapist? it might help to have someone to share your thoughts with. i used to be very into s/m and had all kinds of disturbing fantasies. with the help of a good therapist i'm learning which ones are related to the abuse i experienced as a child. it has really helped me untangle this big mess.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't hate you okay Go talk to someone a psychologist someone who can find why you are having these thoughts. Therapy does help
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think it's ok for you to have whatever sexual fantasies you want to have, even if they may seem strange to others.

    The real issue is how your fantasies affect you and others.

    Therapy sounds like a good idea. Have a fantasy and role playing it doesn't sound like it would have to be a bad thing, it could be a good thing. So if having these fantasies is beneficial to you, then I would say go with it.

    Sorting out how you feel about the fantasies and sorting out how they really affect your life could be good.

    Just having strange fantasies isn't a bad thing. People have some pretty strange fantasies, I think it is ok to indulge them as long as no one is hurt by them.

    SiCKxSAViOUR Member

    Im a 21 yr old male. Ive had a similar thought actually. Only its while we are both dying. Its strange. But I dont hate myself for it. You shouldnt either.
  6. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Honey, you are looking for one sort of 'attention' when talking about the sex-thing (no, I'm NOT telling you that you are an attentionW**** looking for forgotten parents). I am also kinda into that, for many causes of course because I haven't slept well, felt nauseous and just...unhappiness.

    Just that I wanna die in front of people that I can't cooperate with gives me the strange to go on, I want them to see me dead, they shall 'witness' what I have been through why I can't live like normal folks, why I didnt got the chance to survive, not even school. So, totally... weak.

    But Trance, don't let them take you when sucking out all of your energy/information and who knows whats waiting... Don't listen to ANYONE, they are just lying and want money for everyone, more and more, I've got that now and testing you like you're feeling weaker for every minute.
    To the topic. I don't think you have any "weird" thoughts (maybe cause I am such 'kinda' myself) you have to be ashamed about, remember, it is still thoughts and you (and I) have rights (at least some hours for today...).

    I have made my choses, honestly I don't have anything "interesting" to 'hide' for folks, they can go their own ways and I'll go mine. Ok, to be honestly, honest I haven't tell you the truth, just what it sounds like when I have a meeting with my doctor and we are 'active' by talking... No one knows that I'm actually gonna do it, I have made my plans for years and someday I will do it but I am so afraid of failing, to wake up with the 'living' pos moaning to that Im sorry.
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