I have a bad habbit of writing and then being afraid to see people's responses and never coming to check. That or I write something down in a text then usually when I feel better I delete it. If you read it, thanks. If not, whatever. I've never really told anybody. I try to refine my posts in all online communities I participate in but I told myself i wouldnt wait til I changed my mind this time. I'll be honest I dont raelly expect much from an online community like this because I figure its filled with other depressed people and I cant imagine what other type of person would lurk here. Ive been going in and out of depression for a long time. Lately I think its become less frequent and i think more intense. More than 8 years ago I was a sophomore in high school and I moved from one coast in the U.S. to the other. I'd be lying if I said I was never depressed before that but it got a lot worse when I moved. Growing up I had a decent number of friends but it started declining and I seemed to arrive in the loser category largely because I was dirt poor growing up in an upper middle class community. I mean shopping at thrift stores, buying $10 pairs of shoes that tore up my heels and huddling by the stove in the morning before school because the heater was broken or in the summer running the fans in the windows at nite to get the cool air in before the daytime. We had been middle class but my dad got injured, his employer screwed him and he couldnt work for years. I got teased mildly, I had a couple good friends when I was little but they they drifted apart the older we got. My parents are a little older so they taught me old fashioned. The only CD they ever bought me was Johnny Horton. I basically didnt discover music til halfway through highschool. I was a little shy but when I started high school I developed what I would call anxiety attacks which I denied but from what I remember they were pretty bad especially with chicks. :biggrin: I was feeling good towards the end of my freshman year when my parents announced we'd be moving clear across the country to a more affordable community. I had lived there my whole life and was pretty devastated, not even telling most of my friends up til a couple weeks prior. I had to start anew in 3000 miles away, my family knowing nobody there (i had one older sister who didnt move so it was just me and my parents). I didnt adjust well. I noticed all the differences, even in culture and dialect. I tried to keep touch with my friends back home but they werent of much help. This is when I started to get really depressed. While i fit in much better (clothing and hair style wise), everybody knew each other and I was just the guy from California who they lost interest in as soon as my shyness took effect. I didnt reach out to anybody or any offers and nobody was eager to drag me off to hang out. I didnt do shit with anybody. I sat by myself at lunch, I never did annything with anyone other than my parnets outside of school the entire school year. Yeah, not my proudest accomplishment. So to say I was depressed by springtime is an understatement. Im pretty sure it was a lowpoint. Ima go ahead and post, I'm not done yet but I'll probably back off if I drag on too much more.