1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

my sister...trigger?

Discussion in 'Midnight Owl' started by anotherearthplease27, May 28, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    i don't know what's wrong with me...i know that when i go back to sleep, after getting a good nights sleep, that i will have nightmares...but thats what i did this morning...i went back to sleep and had a nightmare...well i won't go into the details because i don't want to trigger anyone...but the jist of it was that i found my sister dying the way i had planned to leave....she told me"you don't know what i'm thinking"....i yelled at her for doing something so stupid(note that i didn't call her stupid").then i woke up.

    i hate how i see my life...that i get so lost in my own pain....that it's so easy to let yourself believe no one can be in as much pain as you...but that's not true is it?.

    i made the stupid decision , along time ago, to think there are things that can not be overcome.....but everyday people do overcome greater obstacles than i have ever faced. so my life will never be what it could have been....but who knows what it can be. maybe it's time instead of facing a pain that devours to face the possibility of pains that heal. i will suffer either way but at least i will be fighting for my life. i am too tired not to fight anymore....i have proven that i am great at self destruction...maybe i can prove otherwise.

    why is it we always can find forgiveness and give support to others, but it is so hard to give our selves?

    i feel positive today..but scared...i think i am ready to face Truths and Untruths..............I hope i have the strength.

    i drove past a sign the other day thst saidsomething like "so are you done trying to face it alone? God" i won't go into a schpiel about seeing the light...because i haven't....but the sign made me realize that there are people out there that care.....that i keep beating myself up thinking that because i am different i have to go it alone...truly that is bullshit?don't you think? or maybe i thought going it alone was easier...whatever..i cant do that anymore.

    i'm not saying that tommorrow i wont be drowning again in a puddle of my tears...that i won't be cursing life...but if i start making goals...try plotting my course maybe i will have a chance...and maybe it will be easier to get back on course.

    i have to stop trying so hard too...caring less if people like me.....

    i dont know if i am talking crap...all i know is that i am on a life is great swing or that life is bad swing...just trying to accept that im on a swing...maybe thats a start

    i feel more real than i have in weeks...i think i have all of you to thank...thank you
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.