My sister ( warning .. )

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by AyameMitsuna, Mar 16, 2008.

  1. AyameMitsuna

    AyameMitsuna Member

    My sister Christina was 15 years old. On Febuary 25th she decided to take her own life. She was found hanging her her closet. They took her to the hospital but we lost her. Her wake was March 2nd her Burial was March 3rd on her 16th birthday.

    She left a note but they are refusing to release it. They being the detectives on the case. My mother wants it but then doesn't and my sisters father does not want it at all.

    I don't know how to go about even starting to get over loosing my best friend. I spoke to her that night at 5 PM about school, her birthday, a dance that saturday night, her dress, going swim suit shopping, hanging out. I am lost without her.

    She was always there for me, was there when my daughter was born there for me everyday. I was there for her. I do not understand how she can be so happy before doing this, make plans with me, then disappear. It still seems like a scary dream at times.
     
  2. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    I am no good at this but I know there are lots of people on here who are so until they get here... :hug:
     
  3. AyameMitsuna

    AyameMitsuna Member

    Thank you for the help, but I think I'm going to sleep a little tonight. It hasn't been much recently.
     
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    I'm very sorry to hear that :hug:
     
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    :hug:
    Im sorry to hear that
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Ayame,

    I'm very sorry to hear about your loss and all the confusion and pain you are experiencing. I imagine it can be overwhelming sometimes. I can see how it would be like a scary dream.

    There are lots of people here who will listen and talk with you. I hope that it helps you get through this difficult time. PM me anytime if you wish to.

    :hug:

    Acy
     
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:
     
  8. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Ayame,

    I am sorry for you loss. The death of anyone is hard, but when that person is a family member, it makes it all that much more difficult. I am glad you found this site to keep yourself going, even when it seems impossible. I hope you will find it useful in not only helping you to overcome your sisters death, but in healing all that has been thrown at you in life. Feel free to PM me at any time. *huggles*

    Caroline
     
  9. AyameMitsuna

    AyameMitsuna Member

    Thanks for all the support, I'm just so lost as to what to think or do. I don't know.
     
  10. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    Hello AyameMitsuna,

    I am very sorry for your loss. My sister also died by suicide, it'll be a year on March 20th. I remember after her death I stayed in shock for a couple months, it just didn't seem real, even after seeing her body I refused to believe. But eventually it sunk in, my sister is never coming back, I'll never hear her say my name again, I'll never make her laugh again. My best friend was taken away from me and I was so lost.

    I'd guess that you are still in shock, right? Nothing seems right about her being gone. Do you think of it as a nightmare, you're just hoping to wake up? I still think that. People told me that it would get easier with time. They're full of shit, many people dont understand just how hard it is to deal with a suicide, they generally forget it within a few weeks, and then it's kind of worse, because you have to go through it alone.

    I remember the months following my sister's death I became sooo angry and everyone and everything. It was terrible the feelings I felt. 7 months later I decided to see a psychic. This helped so much. I know many people are skeptical of them, but the things she told me no one else could have known, it was amazing, I got to talk to my sister again. I learned exactly how she died, how it happened, how she felt. She brought up memories that only I had. Like when I was standing in front of her coffin, I thought "that's not my sister.." and she said that I was right, because she was standing there beside me. and during one of my crying spells I said "please just give me a sign that you're still here" and she told me that she was, she's always watching over me. That comforted me a lot. I realeased a lot of my anger that day.

    You could always try a psychic. There are other things that you could do to help you some, like make a scrapbook for her, or if you draw, draw her portrait, make a video of her, or a slideshow. Any kind of memorial. I found that doing those helped a lot.

    I hope this helped you a little bit. Please remember that if you have to talk about anything, I'm just a pm away.

    Much love <3
    Bets
     
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. One of the questions you mentioned was about how your sister could seem so happy the day before she died. This is not uncommon for those that take their lives. Once the decision has truly been made, they can feel a sense of relief that that part of the struggle is over. I can't say this is true of your sister, but it is a possibility. You have to take one day at a time and see what each new day brings. You do learn how to cope with the loss, even though it is very difficult. Maybe start some traditions within your family to remember the good times and good things about your sister. You are in my thoughts as I know the road ahead will be a hard journey. :hug:
     
  12. Surviving

    Surviving Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear abut your loss, and the pain and confusion you are feeling now. I know it very well and you want so bad to find answers, answers that may never come. While I did not lose a brother/sister to suicide, I did lose both my parents so I can imagine all that is going through your mind right now.

    First and foremost, nothing you did or didn't do resulted in your sisters death. It was a choice she made, and made on her own. And the 'why didn't she come to me' thoughts can be some of the hardest to get over, but you have to always remember that it wasn't your decision.

    There are so many other things I would love to tell you and am happy to do so if you ever want to hear them. I can tell you the pain will lessen in time, and time will really be the only healer besides friends and family you can lean on.

    Don't beat yourself up about plans being made and so forth... Before my father died we had many plans about summer fishing, camping, and my sports activities (I was 16 at the time). Hell, when my mother died I was a few months away from getting married and she had told me of the dress she was going to order for the wedding.

    I know you feel lost and hurt, it is only natural. You have so many questions and will never get an answer for most of them, and that just adds to the frustration. But please hang in there, please be safe, and don't be afraid to confide in others if you feel that you yourself are slipping.

    PM me or e-mail me if you ever want to chat, I am always willing to listen.
     
  13. raindrop

    raindrop Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss. My sister killed herself 14 years ago. I miss her but the pain has become bearable and yours will too. It is hard and it will take time. Take care.
     
  14. raindrop

    raindrop Well-Known Member

    Surviving, I find comfort in your words. I still think about what I could have done differently but I really had no idea. It was such a shock. Did I miss something? Should I have said something? I know it was her choice but I still feel the guilt.
     
  15. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Im so sorry for your loss. I had a close family member commit suicide and the feelings are so different to any other loss. The anger and the guilt can become so confusing and all encompassing. Please PM me if you want to talk xxx
     
  16. Surviving

    Surviving Well-Known Member

    Hi Raindrop, glad if I could help in the least little bit :smile:

    Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat. :hug:
     
  17. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    ^ Love that signature, Surviving.

    This is just flooring and i feel for and with you. :hug:

    See, as my folks both died eventually of cancer (and FAR too early, first in my youth; second during my young-adult life), it changed me forever in ways I'm only now starting to realize. I.e., I dare not depend on anything in life, for all truly *is* temporary.

    But shit--at least I knew the "why." I knew the "what." The cause was tragic but I understood it.

    In your case and cases like yours, how do you assimilate that kind of a thing? How, pray tell, can you ever reconcile the taking of her own life with a meaningful cause?

    Until you are allowed to read the note, I don't reckon you can. Even once you *are* allowed, it probably won't change a thing for you.

    I'm with Survivor--careful not to judge yourself on what you did or didn't do; and that time lessens all things. I know that motto "Time heals all wounds" is a crock, as there are some events in our lives that make so little sense, the scars never close completely -- but the pain will diminish.

    Keep posting (writing) as you feel up to it.

    ToHelp
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    i am sorry for your loss :hug: