My sister

[TreadingBlue]

I've always had memories of this, but never actually thought anything of it unti last year. I guess I always knew what happened but never wanted to think about it so I pretended like it was no big deal. I'm still not sure about my feelings on this, deep inside I know I don't want to talk about it. My stomach hurts just by writing this.
When I was little I was the baby of the family, I almost always had someone who would do anything for me. To help me shower my sister would take one with me, I only remember this happening once. I think I couldn't have been more than six, my sister around maybe 7th grade. I remember my sister laying in the tub telling me to bite on her nipples harder. I don't remember having any feeling of discomfort or scaredness. I trusted her and didn't think it was wrong.
That was when my sister was nice to me, then things went down for her. Skipped class, was always drunk, always on some type of drug, sneaking out and fighting with my parents. At that time she was horrible to me, anything I said or did she had something to yell back. I remember sometimes walking into our room to get something and her yelling "get the fuck out! Leave me alone! Get the fuck out already retard!" when I wouldn't have even looked at her. Now that she's done with that phase and a mom she's nicer. Not the nicest but I enjoy being around her. Now it's like we're any other pair of sisters, fighting sometimes but we have each others backs.
Pretty much I don't know what to do with my memory, should I be upset with her? Should I just drop it? Is that why she hated me for so long? I'm just not upset with her but for some reason I cringe whenever it comes to mind

 

[total eclipse]

i think talking to someone as the memory does bother you and you need help to deal with the abuse of your past. A councillor someone you can trust sometimes just talking about it helps I am glad to hear things got better for you though I hope you do get some type of closer on what you went through. Therapy can help

 

[TreadingBlue]

I don't want my parents to find out anything about my depression so therapy is sadly not an option. I'm just not sure where I stand on all of this. Thanks for the advice

 

[dazzle11215]

she was old enough to know better

therapy will be a good idea, when you are ready. too bad you can't do it without letting your parents know.

in the meantime i recommend the book "the courage to heal" ... if you don't want to buy it you can look at it at your local public library.

 

[TreadingBlue]

I just don't understand, other than that she has never done anything. I don't even remember the last time we hugged. But thank you, I'll make sure to look it up soon.

 

[emozillapwnsyourface]

Maybe she was sexually curious? But it
Is still bad and if you feel bad about it then
You should seek a therapist