My Situation

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Buggie, Nov 23, 2007.

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  1. Buggie

    Buggie New Member

    Hi everyone , im kinda new at this SF stuff , but i thought i'll give it a try .

    It all started with my bestfriend , she was the only person in this world that i could trust 100% , the only person that i could really feel safe with .
    And when she needed me the most , i wasnt there for her .
    and i can't forgive myself for it! the only thought that goes trough my head is why?.
    why wasnt I there when she needed me the most ?
    why didnt i listen to her?
    why did i do it?

    I'm so sick and tired of all of this! , I've allready tried to end it all twice . ( 1 month ago, and 12 august last year. ) . I swallowed 4 boxes of painkillers . That was the happiest moment of my life . the feeling that it all would just end . that i finally could find peace, that i would never feel sadness and emptyness ever again . that moment was just perfet plain and simple .
    but.. 5 days later i woke up in a hospital bed, i only went into a coma . And now it's worse , i've allready started planning the next attempt .


    sorry for my bad english..


    Funeral Song

    I dumped you again
    I don't understand
    It's happened before
    Can't take it no more

    These foolish games
    Always end up in confusion
    I'll take you back
    Just to leave you once again

    I died in my dreams
    What's that supposed to mean?
    Got lost in the fire
    I died in my dreams
    Reaching out for your hand
    My fatal desire

    I've failed you again
    'Cause I let you stay
    I used to pretend
    That I felt ok

    Just one big lie
    Such a perfect illusion
    I made you mine
    Just to hurt you once again

    I died in my dreams
    What's that supposed to mean?
    Got lost in the fire
    I died in my dreams
    Reaching out for your hand
    My fatal desire
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I am glad you survived, also welcome to the forum.

    I hope we can be of some help :hug:
     
  3. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    I don't know how I'd handle it if a close friend committed suicide... I would definitely blame myself, though I'd know deep down it was probably due to loads of factors that had nothing to do with me.

    It's not your fault. Maybe you could have done something, and maybe not. It sucks to not know for sure... but what if there really wasn't anything you could possibly have done to prevent it? Is it worth it to blame yourself regardless, even if there wasn't anything you could have done? Would your friend really want you to be so hard on yourself?
     
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