My situation

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Okay, I don't know if this goes here or in the self-harm bit or the suicide bit but here we go. I was bullied most of the way through primary school and I was glad to leave for secondary. I had a good first year where I started a band, joined the rugby team, learned to play the guitar and also got good grades in my end of year exams. But during my second year I decided to experiment with alcohol and self-harm a bit to see if they were a good way to relieve anger and stress. That was a huge mistake because when some of my classmates saw the scars, the news spread around the whole year and before I knew it I had everyone calling me an "emo" and a "loser". That died down after about two years but after introducing two of who I thought were my freinds over the internet they met up a became freinds quickly. One day after school I went along to starbucks (where they used to meet) after school to see how they were getting along, the "freind" from the scout group came out and she asked to see my wrists (whilst smiling). She said someone mentioned that I was cutting in class and at that point the other people I had gone there with (they wanted to meet her too) began to laugh. She invited us in to sit with her (and the others who I hadn't realised would be there) and I walked away whilst the others followed her back inside. I turned back to see everyone sitting around their table was laughing and miming cutting their wrists. After that, all their freinds started joining in by doing the same thing as well as other public humiliation including one person who posted on my FB wall that I was just a low-life attention-seeking emo.

Anyway, since then I've seriously gone down hill. I dropped all the out of school things and my grades have suffered too. Which leads me to now, I have all of this stuff I have to do to get into university. To be honest, at the moment I would honestly rather die than live out boring life like everyone else whilst still having all those memories. Psycho-therapy's not working and I've been to the doctor but my parents have me worried that it's all just my imagination and that I'm actually fine so I haven't been back. Especially since I'm so much better off than other people who feel like this, and my family so far have made me guilty enough not to take my own life.

I'm sorry this is such an essay, thank you to anyone who's read it because it it's nice to know that people still take an interest in me. Any comments or suggestions would be helpful and will be happily recieved. Thanks again - Callum


Staff Alumni
I am so sorry this is what you went through...I think it is characteristic of your age group to mock situations they cannot handle...that does not mean to mitigate how you feel...when we are feeling so awful, the last thing we need is more pain...for just that alone, shame on them! I am also sorry that your parents are not more understanding...can you tell your therapist what is not working for you, so that s/he can understand? That way it might be more useful...please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing...J
Have you considered asking your therapist if some form of family/relationship sessions are available - this might help them to understand where you're at mentally?
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