I am sick of my so called life. As my therapist said I am not functioning. So much of my life now is watching TV and posting on the internet. Do not want to live like this anymore. Would not take much for me to become actively suicidal again. I have had a plan in the back of my mind probably forever (always have been on the lookout for a plan). What I may do to push the feeling away again is through self injury. Which I know is a bad coping mechanism, but with this it works. Glad that one forum lets me directly say this without being in violation of the rules.