My son

[Mik2229]

I have found myself again fantasizing about how happy everyone would be once I'm gone. I'm bipolar and take a few meds for it. I don't know how I managed to get my fiancé to hate but she is right in saying our 8 month old needs a roll model. The last thing I would ever want is to have my son turn into me. I just don't want him to grow up knowing his father committed suicide. The only thing that's keeping from doing anything stupid is my son. But he would be better off without me.

I'm not entirely sure what to do. Sorry for venting...

 

[Petal]

H Mik and welcome to SF. I am glad you joined us and not doing what you are thinking about. Your fiance is right, your son does need a role model and you can still be that role model if you can overcome this depression that is holding you down. I did it and I encourage you to seek professional help. Either a doctor, or a therapist, but I'd advise seeing your general practitioner first then deciding on where to go from there, they may refer you to a psychiatrist, would you be up for that? And I am so sorry you are feeling this way. We are here for you by your side.

 

[Williamstuckinarut]

My father used to be depressed when I was a kid. At the time I had no idea, didn't understand the reason for all the fighting, emotional detachment etc. that came with it. Sometimes I blamed myself.
So yes, of course my dad influenced me, but I'm so glad to see that nowadays he can work, smile, swim competitively (in his 60s!) and be merry around his grandsons. He is a huge inspiration to me.

 

[jake.x.99]

hi Mik2229, and welcome to the forum. i understand very well your situation. it is very similar to my own -- i know, without any doubt, that my kids will be better off in every way when i am gone, but i am frightened that, when i do this, i will be teaching them that suicide is a viable option for them. don't do this to your son, Mik. he needs you. just as Williamstuckinarut suggested in his reply, this is your opportunity to teach your son the most important lesson possible -- how to fight through difficult times and stay positive. be his inspiration. he will experience tough times as he grows up -- we all do -- so having you there to help him through those and to show him how to fight past the lows will be absolutely essential. you owe that to your son. be his role model, Mik. he is not better off without you; no one is.

 

[joe331]

I have found myself again fantasizing about how happy everyone would be once I'm gone. I'm bipolar and take a few meds for it. I don't know how I managed to get my fiancé to hate but she is right in saying our 8 month old needs a roll model. The last thing I would ever want is to have my son turn into me. I just don't want him to grow up knowing his father committed suicide. The only thing that's keeping from doing anything stupid is my son. But he would be better off without me.

I'm not entirely sure what to do. Sorry for venting...

Hi Mik, first of all, be positive. Bipolar is a disorder which can be treated with medication, therapy and lifestyle changes. I know that living with bipolar disorder is not easy, but you can be free from it with proper care and treatment. As your fiance said, you should be there for your son. I know the fact how hard is to live without a father. Understand Mik, your son and your fiance need you and no one can replace you as a father. Don't think as they will be happy without you, definitely they won't. Take proper treatment and live a happy life with your baby and fiance. I recommend you to consult a psychologist and to get treatment. It is very important to note that treatment for bipolar disorder differs from treatment for depression. Try to get the correct treatment for bipolar disorder from a good psychologist like Dr. Eliana Cohen or someone like her. With prayers!