I dont really know why Im posting this. I dont want advice I just want to get my thoughts out and work out my feelings on the subject. It helps me to do that so in the end thats why I decided to post this here. Many of you will probably find this a stupid thing to get upset over but to me its serious and worth being upset over.... Well a few months back I had my ssi hearing in front of this horrible judge. She was mean, rude, and it took all I had not to throw something at her. The first hearing she smarted me off, told me to shut up, and then sent me home. Only to rescedule for two months later and then cancel it so she could have a personal day. Finally had a full hearing. It went great..I kept my cool and the courts expert testified there were ZERO jobs avialable for me based on the findings. How could I loose? Well I spoke with the lawyers office yesterday and they said they recieved notice the judge had made a desicion and was signing off on it soon. But they had no idea what it would be yet as the judge didnt sign it yet. She said it probably was a no because it took so long but the judge could of just been busy. She was a picky ass judge, kept asking for more and more information, so perhaps she was just slow and it was a YES. but no one knew..I got so upset when I heard it could of been a no. It ruint my day, I got angry, i got upset, I got depressed. I already have a small lawyer bill I cant pay right now and cant until next year unless I win the case.. If I loose Im screwed..The bills are mounting, we need money so bad. I cant work..I get to nervous, I cant deal with people in charge, its so much.. The thought of going thru ssi court case hell to get told no..Its upsetting.. Im still holding onto the hope I get told yes..Its difficult to be positive at this stage though.