I'm not sure how to start. So I guess I'll wing it. I came to this site because I was too anxious to speak to anyone about this in person or anything that involves physical contact. Rather it be face to face or over voice. I don't think I'm over anxious. I can shake hands and meet people and what not. It's just that this situation I'm dealing with makes me not want to speak to anyone. And that is because I tried to and never gotten a satisfying feedback. I tried it once. Suicide that is. Pills. I was caught and was lead to the hospital. I say caught because I was in the middle of doing it when someone saw me and alerted help. And I'm not sure how far I want to go with this now. As I sit here and type all this I feel very much uncomfortable. I'm not sure why I'm still typing ... Damn it. Please excuse me. I'm not very good at explaining things. The way I write just pops out from my head and into the keyboard, so you'll probably see um's, er's, and uh's. Well, not really, but you get my point. I don't know what I'm looking for when I came here now that I think about it. I mean, I tried to talk about it like I wrote earlier and it didn't help. What am I looking for? For the longest time I felt death was the absolute bliss. why do I keep struggling this? Every night when I go to bed I have at least one fantasy, well I don't want to call it a fantasy. How about "just a thought?" I have just a thought about killing myself in various forms. Well, I didn't explain much and I'm truly sorry about that. Maybe I'll open up a little as I communicate with the community. I'll still be here If any late nighters or early morningers are on.