My Story about me and my BFF

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Spring, Apr 19, 2015.

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  1. Spring

    Spring New Member

    Hello everyone, today im gonna share my story with everyone who will read it, its extremely difficult for me. but i think im in the right place.
    Well then.

    So it all started a few months ago, me and my BFF were always talking and having so much fun we were always there for each other and the times needed it was almost to perfect and i will never have such a good BFF in my life ever again, Might be a bit weird but she lives like 700km away from me, we met in a online game community, so the times we talk its skype/teamspeak.
    but we got into a arguement (we had more fights through out the year) which went into a fight and other stupid stuff, and we didn't talk for like 2 weeks which was killing me every single second, and me with my stupidity i've decided to text her long and nice messages even tho she wanted space and i wasn't thinking cus i wanted nothing but her back and well that went wrong. well after almost 1.5 years she decided not to be my BFF anymore but just became friends instead and its a real struggle for me get trough this cus i see her having fun with other ppl and i cannot join her to have the same fun, so i've been very depressed about everything that i fucked up and how i have let her go, cus me and her met in real life once and i cant tell you how much that meant to me it was perfect, the best few days of my life like i could finally give my BFF a hug after all that time.
    But the hard part is, after i met her i wanted to tell her that i actually started having some feelings for her, i wanted to tell it her by just getting some drinks or taking her out for a dinner, cus thats what she deserves, she deserves everything, but me and my stupidity again, i just was so afraid of asking it like you dont know what the result will be. so i never asked it or let her know it. which i regret allot. its been months now since that happened.
    But i kinda still want to her what i felt/feel for her, so i've made a pretty big note weeks ago telling her how i feel and i want to read it to her, but i just simply cant and how much i appreciate her. i've gave her money in times of need and bought her some presents :) but that was ofc all in meant in the good way and not to get any attention from her.
    So i've been extremely unmotivated and im not really happy after everything i fucked up for her :( and i started thinking about suicide and theres been days where i cried so much thinking about nothing else then suicide, i just wanted to end my life, i still think like that, i dont see myself having a good and happy life anymore. the person i loved the most is basically gone from my life :( i just dont know what to do anymore.

    Im very sorry if my english isn't that great, or my spelling :/ so i hope its some what of readable.
    I wanna Thank you for reading this, it means allot to me.
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I don't have much to add, but wanted to let you know that I read this and care. I'm sorry what happened between you and your friend. Have things changed since you made this thread?

    Anyway, take care and welcome to the forum. I hope you can find some support here to help you get through all of this, it's a lot but with help you can do it.
  3. SDG

    SDG Member


    I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. Caring about someone that much with no reciprocation can be so difficult. Please stay here for us. I very much understand how intense and uncontrollable emotions like this can be. But, I know that there's so much for you still. You can do whatever you want! It's so hard to get through periods of your life like this, but when you do, the sun shines ever brighter. I promise.

    If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Please hold on to life. It's so important.
  4. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    Ive been there but its important you dont blame yourself or habor guilt. If she valued your friendship half as much as you did she would still be there for you regardless. Thats what a true friend is. It doesnt make it hurt any less, but it teaches you to never place all your happiness and self worth in one person.
  5. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    How I wish I have someone who will love me the same way.......
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