Hello everyone, today im gonna share my story with everyone who will read it, its extremely difficult for me. but i think im in the right place. Well then. So it all started a few months ago, me and my BFF were always talking and having so much fun we were always there for each other and the times needed it was almost to perfect and i will never have such a good BFF in my life ever again, Might be a bit weird but she lives like 700km away from me, we met in a online game community, so the times we talk its skype/teamspeak. but we got into a arguement (we had more fights through out the year) which went into a fight and other stupid stuff, and we didn't talk for like 2 weeks which was killing me every single second, and me with my stupidity i've decided to text her long and nice messages even tho she wanted space and i wasn't thinking cus i wanted nothing but her back and well that went wrong. well after almost 1.5 years she decided not to be my BFF anymore but just became friends instead and its a real struggle for me get trough this cus i see her having fun with other ppl and i cannot join her to have the same fun, so i've been very depressed about everything that i fucked up and how i have let her go, cus me and her met in real life once and i cant tell you how much that meant to me it was perfect, the best few days of my life like i could finally give my BFF a hug after all that time. But the hard part is, after i met her i wanted to tell her that i actually started having some feelings for her, i wanted to tell it her by just getting some drinks or taking her out for a dinner, cus thats what she deserves, she deserves everything, but me and my stupidity again, i just was so afraid of asking it like you dont know what the result will be. so i never asked it or let her know it. which i regret allot. its been months now since that happened. But i kinda still want to her what i felt/feel for her, so i've made a pretty big note weeks ago telling her how i feel and i want to read it to her, but i just simply cant and how much i appreciate her. i've gave her money in times of need and bought her some presents but that was ofc all in meant in the good way and not to get any attention from her. So i've been extremely unmotivated and im not really happy after everything i fucked up for her and i started thinking about suicide and theres been days where i cried so much thinking about nothing else then suicide, i just wanted to end my life, i still think like that, i dont see myself having a good and happy life anymore. the person i loved the most is basically gone from my life i just dont know what to do anymore. Im very sorry if my english isn't that great, or my spelling :/ so i hope its some what of readable. I wanna Thank you for reading this, it means allot to me.