I will pst my friend's real (first) name only, out of respect more than anything for this thread... This all was roughly 18 years ago now, when i was between the ages of 17 and 20, although I suppose it could go back a few years before that, when I was 13-14 yars old, and I used to punch a hole so hard in my wardrobe that I would not stop until the wardrobe wood cracked and left my knuckles a bloody mess. That did not last long (thankfully), but then I got into cutting when I around 16, because I had always been a shy child and kept my emotions to myself (I still do, but nowadays, I am slowly letting out some things about my past that I shamed of, but tired of bottling up and keeping hidden from everyone... It was when I first started to get really bad anxiety and that I was loner in the World, with no friend and thinking everyone was laughing at me behind my back, which let to me accidentally cutting myself one time and suddenly i found that the emotional pain did not so much when I was experiencing physical pain, so that started a number of years where i would cut (some shallow, some very deep), but I stopped cutting after my first ever suicide attempt (not saying what the method was, so as not to give to give anyone else any ideas) and lke in my thread, "The Real Me" - after waking up in that hospital bed after a number of weeks, and discovered that my best friend stayed beside me at all times (even so far as being allowed by the night roster nurses) to stay in the hospital beside me all night, holding my wand and talking to me while i was unconscious (or so I heard one of the nurses say to me, after I woke up and was well enough to get out of bed and take a walk out into the hospital's gardens (courtyard) my attempt made me realise I was selfish to do that to my best friend, get her so worried and even crying, that i vowed from that day on, I would never cut myself ever again (except when shaving in the morning haha) Unfortunately, I do not speak, nor have seen my friend in 6 years now, what she did for me, is the biggest reason I joined SF - to try and help and be there for others, just as my friend had done for me. I owe her everything for what she did for me and as much as I wish I could repay her, in some way, I have set my goals on SF and paying my friend's compassionate and loving personality so that I too can save someone when they hit rock-bottom, like I did back them Even if I help and/or save just just one person, I feel content in this World. So, Kathleen, you helped me more than you will never know and though I cannot ever pay back your lovely gift you had given to me for your actions, I want to pass it on, use you as a role model on how close friends care deeply for each other, even if you do not get along half the time. A true friend is the hardest to find, to stick with with your heart and you will know those of your friends who would be willing to take a bullet for you or jump in the wy of a speeding car to save you... treasure those people you have in your life, because they are more valuable than diamonds.