My story.. Can you relate?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Onemistake88, Oct 25, 2013.

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  1. Onemistake88

    Onemistake88 New Member

    Hi all. I am new here, first post. I guess I should start with some basics. I'm someone who actually desperately wants to live. So then many would then, right? Well. Ok, the caveat is I desperately want to live a life that I can no longer live, due to an incurable disease I recently contracted. However this disease is not usually a life threatening one and usually not even that serious. Yet it is causing me serious morbidity, I'm an unusual case. Doctors don't even believe me. It is also contagious and causing me daily pain physically. I admit, I was a melancholy person pre disease. But I was doing very well despite a significant amount of turmoil over 3 years until I had a major lapse of the disease making itself very known to me 5 months ago. I have since done very little other than lay in bed taking as many perscription drugs as possible to feel better and drinking alcohol along with other relaxants just to sleep. It hasnt been fun. So here I am, right on schedule, after an evening of sleepin pills, alcohol, and perscriptions trying to sleep or pass out.
    Well, so far what has kept me alive are stupid small things. Things like drinking cold water when I am thirsty. Eating my favorite foods when I am hungry. Listening to my favorite bands from youth. Playing my guitar and driving my car. However, I find once I finally pass out at the end of the day, waking up to a new day is difficult. I'm currently unemployed, recently divorced, and face an entire life of being single at age 31 due to the disease. On top of the psychological components, I deal with the daily physical discomfort. Sometimes so severe I literally want to do nothing but stay in bed. I've tried every avenue of therapy,physical,mental, drugs, psychiatry, eastern medicine, idk what else to do. So I guess I am here to seek support and help however I can. I really view my life as a great gift that I destroyed and I regret it. I figured maybe here I would find stories both better and worse than mine. For those with a better story maybe I can encourage you, for those with a worse one maybe ill feel encouraged idk.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Onemistake88 chronic pain and sickness i can relate too I am sorry you are suffering so much right now Lots of supportive people here so i hope you do continue to post on the forums or go to chat and meet new people there Welcome to SF
  3. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Hello, Onemistake88. I'm sorry for all of those pain you are experiencing. I can't relate to that, but I think I can understand your suffering. Of course, I won't say I can feel it, I don't, but I know your suffering. I can imagine how painful it is for you. We are here, we will be here for you. I hope miracle happens and you will get better. I don't really understand about it, but miracle do happen. My best friend's dad had a cancer on 4th stadium, only waiting to die, but somehow, he survived and lost all of those cancer cells. I hope it happens to you too, to get better.

  4. Maedchen

    Maedchen Well-Known Member

    Dear Onemistake88,

    I am very sorry for your current situation, too.
    However I was glad to read that you actually want to live. That is something valuable which some on this forum lack sadly, me included.
    I will pray for you, and I hope to talk to you in chat maybe sometime?
    Take heart.
    Love, Maedchen. :sleeping_teddybear:
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    What helps is listing all the stuff that you appreciate in your life. You already have mentioned some, but I'm sure there are many more reasons to live. I made a list of all the things I value to keep me grounded and reminds me of why I want to keep on living. Hope I helped you some. Just sharing how I deal with emotional pain. Physically, I have to take Celebrex for my arthritis that is progressingly getting worse. Hang in there cuz I'm trying too!
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