Hi all. I am new here, first post. I guess I should start with some basics. I'm someone who actually desperately wants to live. So then many would say...live then, right? Well. Ok, the caveat is I desperately want to live a life that I can no longer live, due to an incurable disease I recently contracted. However this disease is not usually a life threatening one and usually not even that serious. Yet it is causing me serious morbidity, I'm an unusual case. Doctors don't even believe me. It is also contagious and causing me daily pain physically. I admit, I was a melancholy person pre disease. But I was doing very well despite a significant amount of turmoil over 3 years until I had a major lapse of the disease making itself very known to me 5 months ago. I have since done very little other than lay in bed taking as many perscription drugs as possible to feel better and drinking alcohol along with other relaxants just to sleep. It hasnt been fun. So here I am, right on schedule, after an evening of sleepin pills, alcohol, and perscriptions trying to sleep or pass out. Well, so far what has kept me alive are stupid small things. Things like drinking cold water when I am thirsty. Eating my favorite foods when I am hungry. Listening to my favorite bands from youth. Playing my guitar and driving my car. However, I find once I finally pass out at the end of the day, waking up to a new day is difficult. I'm currently unemployed, recently divorced, and face an entire life of being single at age 31 due to the disease. On top of the psychological components, I deal with the daily physical discomfort. Sometimes so severe I literally want to do nothing but stay in bed. I've tried every avenue of therapy,physical,mental, drugs, psychiatry, eastern medicine, idk what else to do. So I guess I am here to seek support and help however I can. I really view my life as a great gift that I destroyed and I regret it. I figured maybe here I would find stories both better and worse than mine. For those with a better story maybe I can encourage you, for those with a worse one maybe ill feel encouraged idk.