Hi. I’m.. well, I’d rather not state my name. I’m 13 years old- shocker, yeah? No, I’m not some “emo” kid looking for attention. All I ask is to not be underestimated. I know I’m too young to be this sad, but I guess that’s just how it is.. So, I guess I’m just going to let it all out. I’m setting my life out here because why not? My depression. It all started when I was eight, my family was falling apart. My parents split up, and I didn’t know how to feel. My mom was crying herself to sleep every night and I thought it was my fault. So, I would punish myself. I would bite my hand or scratch my arms until they bled. I’d bite my fingernails to blood. I had many tiny ways of damaging myself. It wasn’t a big deal until middle school, when all of the other kids were <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods and Triggering>. I would feel relief. I have a <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> the other I took from my step-dads garage. It’s gotten bad. My whole wrist is covered in scars that I hide under an abundance of bracelets and I wear sweaters to cover up. I remember when my mom found out, she didn’t care. I was going to a physical at the doctors office and she saw my scars. She told my mom about it right in front of my eight year old brother. He didn’t know what it meant. I went to the phyc once and I had some old lady ask me questions about my life. The typical, “Have you been sexually abused?” “What’s you home life like?” “How are your grades”. Then, she typed everything I said in to her computer. She said self harming was “unacceptable” and that it isn’t normal. She made me feel worse than I did before. The first time I went too deep was after an argument I got into with my mom, she called me a brat and said I was spoiled. She told me she thought I didn’t love her. I was so pumped with adrenaline I didn’t know what was happening. <Mod Edit - Acy - Triggering> Was it bad that I was calm through it all, though? I didn’t feel a thing, I was too numb to feel at the time. I just sat there on my bathroom floor, crying and holding out my arm. I wish I would’ve died that day. It would’ve been a lot easier on me. Everytime I look in the mirror, I see my big nose and my chubby cheeks and my small eyes. I’ll never be pretty. If I’m not pretty I’ll always be a nobody. This whole world is based on appearance, and nobody cares about me unless I’m beautiful. So, now, on the first week of August.. I’m going to do it. I’ll <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. I wont leave a note for anybody, they wouldn’t care anyways. I’m a burden on my family. They’ll be free to do whatever they want without me, they can get rid of my stuff, they can move to a nicer place.. I’m just a distraction from their life. I’ve made up my mind, and don’t even try talking me out of it because I’m done. It’ll all be over soon. I just thought I should put my story out there so that way at least someone will know what I’m going through. Hopefully you can all be stronger than me. I guess I’m a bit scared of what will happen to me after, but I’d rather burn eternally in hell than live through this hopeless shithole.