Doctors in my eyes are judges, they don't see a person with masses of problems, they just see a set of textbook symptoms and pass blame, particularly in the case of addictions, and ALL of them set me off, because, due to 2 years of abuse in a supported living placement, I am unable to explain myself in any orderly way, so I just break down crying, that gets them going down the "depression" trail, which is bad news for me because Dr's push pills, and apart from not being able to afford the prescription charge, these pills do bad things to me anyway. There is no drug that can take away the nights I lay awake going over and over this supported living abuse thing, there isno drug that can take away the hurt that staff there inflicted on me, because if there was I would be on it right now. Anyone I try and talk to just says I have to "let it go", but how can you let go a male care worker touching you and the "care company" covering it up and telling you how much trouble you will be in of you tell anyone, or how easy it is for them to "evict" you onto the streets (they even threatened to take me to visit a homeless shelter!) or one screaming at you about how useless and dirty you are day in day out? How can you let that abuse of trust go overnight? You can't, so the second best thing to do is try and cover it up, and if that means taking drugs or drinking, then thats something I will have to do, and please don't say counselling, it does nothing for my kind of pain, a counsellor can do nothing else apart from what you guys do on here, and thats listen, they won't be there when I wake up screaming or engage in arguments with strangers calling them these staff memeber's names and letting fly torrents of abuse, without even knowing your doing it, what I need is face to face closure with the people who did this, I don't care if they have no idea they made me turn out this way, all I need to do is say my peice and walk away, but due to the curcumstances of the situation (a multimillionare "care company" ripping off disabled people and hiding behind a horde of lawyers and jargon), it's impossible. I know my mind and I will NEVER get over this, not ever, every day in my life now is another day there, even though I do not live there anymore, it's all around me in every situation, every person I meet, every person I am expected to trust, I can't even walk down a street anymore without looking over my shoulder just incase one of their staff returns for the final showdown, which due to the logistics of the situation (me living in a town where they operate, and close to another one), it is a matter of time before one of my abusers sees me out alone. The company are untouchable just so you know, they use wealth as a defence, if anything ever did happen I would be powerless to act anyway, maybe I'm just paranoid, I don't know. I would like to use this to warn other people of the dangers of these places, there is no care without cash, nobody cares for nothing, and these companies provide poor quality care for horrendous prices, I was stripped of all my benefit monies, which they took for "rent" and left with £60 a week to live on, your talking clothes, shoes, food, transport costs, phone bill, which was not included in the "rent" payment etc. Also I was put into £7.000 of debt because they failed to take the "rent" from me for a whole year. They then demanded that I make £40 a month repayments or face being taken to court and made out to be criminal scum,, this meant me having to go without essential items like clothes and shoes, my clothes and shoes were in such a state when I met my boyfreind he took me straight to a shop to get new ones, and they used 2 highly abusive staff members to bully me into paying this, they monitored my bank account and demanded to see reciepts for anything I brought. This was on top of one particular staff member's daily onslaught of personal and mental abuse. Staff would bring dogs to the house knowing some tennants were scared of dogs, it was one long round of screaming and degradation. The house I lived at was a house with a large garden, where they had built 3 individual flats, I lived in one these and was told I was not allowed to acsess staff "support" outside my allocated hours, I was told even in a medical emergancy I could not call the house for assistance because I was a "bungalow person" and staff were not paid to support me out of my hours. I was going to post this as a reply to my thread in substance abuse about my Codeine addiction and alcohol issues that have risen out of this, but I kind of got carried away and think it would be better off here. If I can't help myself, I can at leased try to help others.