My Story - Looking for Positive Solutions

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Davekyn, Oct 29, 2012.

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  1. Davekyn

    Davekyn Banned Member

    Just the other day, I walked into the employment agency to reveal the tools of my destruction and discuss the power of intention. I' was simply just over not being heard. My case office was out, so I simply settled to disclose this information with the current manager. I later felt sorry for the kid ... it must of been a real awakening; which was just my intention.

    The police later arrived to do a welfare check on me ... and I must say, I was somehow relieved that I was not arrested for making such a show in a Government Building.

    I was then later contacted by the support link group, to which I signed my willingness during the welfare check ... I chased up the number given ... to mifa "Mental illness fellowship Australia. I have an appointment with them later in the week.

    I am not someone who makes many attempts, but I have of recent as in the past; often felt the desire to be departed from this world. So strong is this desire of late, that it has made it very difficult to conform which only compounds the problem, driving me deeper into despair...

    I know that talking about it to the right people is what is going to help me and that finding the right people is just as problematic ... however I am choosing to keep fighting. I see my recent cry for help as more like a protest to those who are suppose to help, yet seemingly appear to be deaf. None the less ... I seem to of found another group whom may be able to help as a result ... for what its worth ... I am going to try with as many groups as AI can until I can get some kind of grip ... because like so many others ... I really don't want to die.

    Previous to this I was and still am seeing a psychologist (much needed appointment today actually) ... on anti depressants (doing my best on these...still working the variables out with that) ...
    I am currently recognized as having Depression, social phobia and anxiety. I seem to have some elements of aspergers. I often get flustered with my thoughts, have dislyixa and a number of other learning difficulty's.

    I am trying to learn about these things so I can better live in this world and deal with the so many expectations on me ... Guilt is very hard to live with, just as is anger and frustration which overcomes the guilt but needs to be controlled.

    I am 43 years of age and have lived homeless, been an a fully blown alcoholic, drug addict, done prison and numerous homes when a youngster ... I have seen much pain in those years, yet despite my recent episode and understandings of how others feel here ... wish to say I want to keep going.........

    That's about it for me now ...
    will keep you posted as to my recovery ... still manic to some degree ...

    PS ... whilst I respect every persons freedom to religion ... please know ... that I have absolutely no interest in such things ... I am a very open person and spiritual to some degree ... but please in no way make references to your God, Church, or anything such related ... The world would be such a better place without such controlling factions/manipulation. I'm not just church hurt ... I am severely ab used by such things and over the whole concept completely. Your well intended hearts are appreciated though.

    Thanking you for listening.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WEll hun good for your for getting them to HEAR you finally It is a hard thing to do i know. I am glad you got a therapist appt and that you are still trying to get right medication
    I do hope this new door you opened will help you more to get the supports you need to keep fighting hugs
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