I don't even know where to begin. About 14 months ago my wife of 15 years took the kids and left me. I was devastated. Especially when I never saw it coming. The desperation, despair, and depression that took ahold of me was unbearable. I sat in a motel room and contemplated how to end my life. At first, I thought about a traffic accident but thar was not a sure thing. You see people all the time come out of horrific accidents with a few scratches, and I figured with the luck I had I would be one of them. At the time I didn't care if I hurt someone in the process. It is like i was possessed or something, I was not in control of my own mind anymore. I decided that I would take pills instead. I went as far as buying then, taking the top off and removing the cotton, and filling three glasses with water so I would not have to get up, once I started, I wouldn't have to stop. But, I had been up for five days before this and passed out from sheer exhaustion before I could do it. When I woke up I realized what was going on and flushed the pills. I was so mad at myself I beat my head against the wall because I thought that I was so weak minded I could not even kill myself. I considered myself a coward. I did start to piece my life together though, and 10 months ago I met this most incredible woman. She left me 3 weeks ago. You see, her husband had commited suicide 2 years ago this April. It has been very hard on me because at one time we had went out and looked at engagement rimgs and now I am all alone again. I can't blame her though, she was not ready and I think is just now starting to grieve for Kevin. The hardest thing in the world is to stay away from someone you love so much but, I have to now for her. And out of respect for Kevin. I just want anyone out there to know that it does get better, I am suffering my self terribly now but after going through what I have I know everything happens for a reason. There is a reason I met her, and there is a reason I am here now. God has a plan for alll of us. Whether you see it now or not, there is a grand plan. If you are feeling like there is just nothing left, trust me there is and I will gladly talk to you about it. I am willing to talk about anyhting. I am doing this in memory of Kevin, so that maybe what he went through, and ultimately did, some thing good can come out of it.