My story. There is hope.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dakotavike, Feb 9, 2012.

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  1. dakotavike

    dakotavike Member

    I don't even know where to begin. About 14 months ago my wife of 15 years took the kids and left me. I was devastated. Especially when I never saw it coming. The desperation, despair, and depression that took ahold of me was unbearable. I sat in a motel room and contemplated how to end my life. At first, I thought about a traffic accident but thar was not a sure thing. You see people all the time come out of horrific accidents with a few scratches, and I figured with the luck I had I would be one of them. At the time I didn't care if I hurt someone in the process. It is like i was possessed or something, I was not in control of my own mind anymore. I decided that I would take pills instead. I went as far as buying then, taking the top off and removing the cotton, and filling three glasses with water so I would not have to get up, once I started, I wouldn't have to stop. But, I had been up for five days before this and passed out from sheer exhaustion before I could do it. When I woke up I realized what was going on and flushed the pills. I was so mad at myself I beat my head against the wall because I thought that I was so weak minded I could not even kill myself. I considered myself a coward. I did start to piece my life together though, and 10 months ago I met this most incredible woman. She left me 3 weeks ago. You see, her husband had commited suicide 2 years ago this April. It has been very hard on me because at one time we had went out and looked at engagement rimgs and now I am all alone again. I can't blame her though, she was not ready and I think is just now starting to grieve for Kevin. The hardest thing in the world is to stay away from someone you love so much but, I have to now for her. And out of respect for Kevin. I just want anyone out there to know that it does get better, I am suffering my self terribly now but after going through what I have I know everything happens for a reason. There is a reason I met her, and there is a reason I am here now. God has a plan for alll of us. Whether you see it now or not, there is a grand plan. If you are feeling like there is just nothing left, trust me there is and I will gladly talk to you about it. I am willing to talk about anyhting. I am doing this in memory of Kevin, so that maybe what he went through, and ultimately did, some thing good can come out of it.
     
  2. RonPSH

    RonPSH Banned Member

    Thanks for sharing your story! :)

    "Feelings are more material,more substantial. They transform you.
    Thinking about love is not going to help you, but feeling love is bound to change you.
    Thinking is very much loved by the ego, because the ego feeds on fictions. The ego cannot digest any reality, and thinking is a fictitious process….
    Change from the mind to the heart, from thinking to feeling, from logic to love." OSHO
     
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