my story thru substance abuse

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by TJ, Jan 18, 2012.

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  1. TJ

    TJ Staff Alumni

    so i thought that maybe writing about my story would help someone consider there choices before they pick up and start using substances so here goes

    my first use of substances was when i was 4-5 years old i was given a wine at Xmas and i remember feeling god that was good , little did i know that many years later i would be caught in a drug cycle that would nearly kill me several times. from then on till i hit around 10 i would have the occasional wine or beer and i lived with my parents , my dad who was an active alcoholic and my mum who just enjoyed a wine at dinner. my greater family (aunts and uncles etc) are all alcoholics and still are to this day. when i was 10 i decided that cos i would get home from school before mum and dad would be home i would sneak as much wine as i could and then drink vinegar to hide the smell , i had it sussed i would say that i had cucumber sandwich cos i loved cucumber soaked in vinegar and it worked each day i would get as drunk as i could and then drink half a glass of vinegar to hide the smell. then i would hide in my bedroom for the night in fear of my violent dad. this went on for a year or so and then one day before school started in intermediate 11-12 yrs old i was offered Ritalin i crushed up the pill and snorted the lot in one go and felt great. i did this the whole way thru intermediate and occasionally smoking pot when my friends had some. that was my life for a few years drinking Ritalin and pot then i left school at 13 cos of my anger .. i was high in class and thru a chair at the teacher cos i didn't want to do the work she wanted us to do ( a little over the top but my addiction was really setting in by now ) i couldn't go a day without something by the time i hit 13-14 i started traveling up to the near by city Christchurch in the weekends and worked the streets ( prostitution ) so that i had money to score what i wanted. yes i was selling my body at a young age for pot .. then at age 15 we moved to Christchurch i thought this was great as i didn't need to travel each weekend and then i realized i had to find new dealers etc i stopped using Ritalin but continued to use pot as i was now on correspondence schooling and had made some friends who could score for me. a 50 bag would last me a few days and by this time i was smoking cigs regularly and was just taking whatever was handed to me although it was very limited what i could get i took everything that was on offer. i would scam the doctors for codeine as i loved that buzz even tho i would get itchy as hell cos i always took to many. so here i was 15-16 hanging out for whatever i could get home life was fucked up and i spent many nights under the bridge trying to sleep to hide from my father. drugs numbed me this continued for a few years i had my first shot at age 16 of heroin and i loved it and knew deep down that if i didn't stay away from it i wouldn't ever get off it so it was a once only thing at that point in time. at age 19 i lost my son ( long story and im not gonna go into it here) so i decided it was time to leave NZ and head for Australia the place that was supposed to fix everything for me i dream t i would get clean and get a life and work and just enjoy life but it didn't happen that way i managed to stay clean maybe two months then i hit the pot again i was a mess as u can imagine long story short i was introduced not long after that to speed and crack it became my wonder drug crack was everything i needed and it helped me work long shifts all i did was smoke crack work and party my mental health had been playing havoc with me for years but i kept self medicating as i didn't want to be put in the system but soon after my 20th b day i had a breakdown. was put under mental health and yet i continued to use this was my life and i wanted to just numb the pain my use grew from half a gram a day to a gram a day to bigger and bigger amounts till i was buy half ounces at a time. i continued to work my 16 hour shifts but working in the kitchen rather than front counter, i saved up some money somehow and moved from Perth to Brisbane where drugs are the main thing you can get anything u want in Brisbane as long as your looking in the right place. things back at home in NZ with my grandma had been going down hill and i was asked to come home so i planned my trip home and funnily enough i stopped using speed based drugs and switched to downers when i landed back in NZ i guess it was more available . i still swore black and blue that i wasn't gonna touch a needle so i snorted everything that was crush able and swolled the rest to give u an idea of what my drug use was like by this time when i woke up i had 4 -5 methadone tablets 30 codeine (30mgs) a few joints a few drinks and a couple of bongs and that was just to get outta bed my day went on like this day after day. by the time i was 23 i wanted out of the drug scene but didn't know how to go about it so i went to cads (community alcohol and drug service) they offered me methadone and i told them to get fucked i didn't want to not be able to travel and be on what they call them as liquid hand cuffs , they really are to be honest. when i hit September of that year i had had enough. i wanted out i was running a shop dealing to anyone who wanted this that or the next thing i was downing acid like it was candy and i was near the point of injecting so i decided to get clean but this isn't the end of my story. i said to people that if i could just stop using for a year everything would be OK and that's exactly what i did with the Help of NA i went for 14 months not using or drinking apart from my psych meds then i relapsed . within 3 weeks of relapsing i had stopped going to meetings and i was now injecting my drugs it was a new level of low i remember several outrageous incidents such as in June we had an earthquake (we had had several before then ) and straight after i went in and cooked my shot and had it while we had aftershocks , that's the nature of the deisaese of addiction one is too many and a thousand is never enough. until September 23rd 2011 i used and used doing 8 balls and crazy shit i never thought i would do . then i went on a NA camp and that was the beginning of the end of my drug use i got a few days up clean and sober and now im on the road of recovering from my drug addiction and thinking problem

    see to me addiction is so rifled in my life that i have to abstane from any drug that isn't closely monitored by my psych team

    this is my story of how crazy drugs and drinking turned me into something i didn't want and yes Ive left many parts out as they aren't apporatie for putting online but i hope after u read this you think twice about what your doing and where that one drug or drink may lead you im not saying that everyone has addiction issues but some of us do and its a dangerous game to play if u use when u know u have addiction issues

    thanks for reading

    Traa xx
     
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for posting your story. :nice:

    Luckily I haven't done any drugs outside of prescribed antibiotics. But I believe this thread is great, and hopefully it'll help others who are struggling with nasty drug and alcohol abuse. I've dealt with them my parent's both drank and smoke religiously. However my dad has sense quit and my mother committed suicide 7 years ago.

    Trevor,
     
  3. TJ

    TJ Staff Alumni

    thanks for ur feedback i just hope me posting this helps someone
     
  4. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Your welcome. :hug: I'm sure it will Slice - hopefully someone will take your story and use it to help them.

    Trevor,
     
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