My story

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by fallingawayfromME, Dec 8, 2012.

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  1. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    I dont know if this in the right forum or not. If not its ok to move it. I just want to share my story in hopes that anyone who has gone through what I have will find inspiration. I was born in 1970 to a mother who was already depressed. Coming into the world I had the cards stacked against me but it happens. The first memories of my life were when I was 4 and my grandfathers ex wife (who is deceased now) pushed me down a flight of stairs. She also locked me in refrigerator as I screamed for help. My grandfather (who was an alcoholic at the time) didnt hear me. My cousin heard me screaming and let me out. Why the police werent called I have no idea. She also threw lit matches at me. How I can even function today is a mystery to me. When I turned 5 my mother and I moved in with a caretaker or so I thought. I now know the only reason she took us in was because she received money for us being with her. I thought that it would get better. It got worse. I was beaten to within an inch of my life when I was 6 and my mother (who was hospitalized at the time) was not there. When I turned 7 my life changed in a way that I will never forget. Im not going to say exactly what happened but just know that my innocence was taken from me. I now spend my days trying all I can to just find peace. I know Im no different from anyone else. Its happened to the best and the worst of us. Some people are strong enough to move on and have a normal life. I thought I was one them. I was married. I have two beautiful children who I love more than anything in this world, but it seems every day I am trying hard to get my innocence back. How Im still alive today I dont know. In have tried numerous times (including tonight) to end it but somehow my body just keeps pushing on. Just know this. I am a survivor. There are so many incidents of abuse that happened to me it would take me 5 lifetimes to tell it. I dont know who this will touch but I hope whoever reads this knows that if you are going through this its not your fault. It took me a long time to realize that. I live my life one day at a time. I thought tonight was my time to go and I was ready but somehow I guess I have hope that I will move on. Life is an uphill battle. Heres a quote I came up with tonight so go ahead and take it. "Life is narcissistic. It only cares for itself".
     
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  2. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    just want to let you know that i read it through and that it encouraged me to keep on moving, even though my situation is not even half as bad as yours. but thank you for writing this. and sorry i don't have much meaningful things to say..
     
  3. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Just knowing I encouraged you to keep on is enough for me.
     
  4. Powerpuff

    Powerpuff Active Member

    Thanks for what you wrote, you are a very brave and courageous person and your words did touch me.
     
  5. fallingawayfromME

    fallingawayfromME Well-Known Member

    Thank you and very welcome.
     
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