My story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by broken pointless, Feb 10, 2014.

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  1. broken pointless

    broken pointless New Member

    I'm seriously thinking about how to end my life, i haven't been coping since Christmas, for the past two years i have had no contact from my family, apart from my little brother but the day before Christmas eve we had an argument and he no longer wants to know me, i got in contact with my dad after this happened, told him what happened and that i would be spending Christmas alone, i thought he would come, he didn't.
    We had some contact through text messages and he couldn't understand why i am the way i am or why i do the things i do, so i took the massive decision to tell him something that i had spent years keeping a secret, When i was a young teenager i was raped by three men, its the hardest thing i have ever done telling him this but i thought that it might make him understand why i'm so messed up, but he has ignored it, he hasn't asked me one single question about it nothing, he doesn't care.
    Every day that passes and i dont hear from him just hurts more and more, i don't have anyone, i live in a room on my own, i cant get a job, i suffer with panic attacks and flash backs which have become worse since this happened, i just don't wanna be here anymore, every morning when i wake up i cry because i've woken up my existence is pathetic, it wouldn't impact anyone if i wasn't here anymore.
     
  2. broken pointless

    broken pointless New Member

    And I can't even get a reply on a support forum, would be funny if it weren't so pathetic, that's my decision made
     
  3. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Hi Broken Pointless - I think the reason your father chooses to ignore what you told him happened to you so young is he perhaps feels guilty that as a father he was not there to protect you - I am not excusing him but I can see where he is coming from - also you say he has not asked you one single question about what happened to you - That could be because he does not want you to relive that traumatic experience by answering questions about it

    I hope you can find some support here on SF - stick around & I am sure you will

    tc Broken Pointless

    :freehug:
     
  4. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    feel free to pm me if you wish
     
  5. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for what happen to you as a young girl. I do understand what you are feeling as i have been in your shoes. I know how hard it must have been to confide in your father and not hear back from him. One thing i have come to understand is that often others just dont know how to comfort us, even family members. They just dont know what to say. Have you been able to seek counseling ?
    I hope things get better for you soon.
     
  6. broken pointless

    broken pointless New Member

    Thank you for your replies.
    My dad hadn't spoken to me for two years beforehand, i guess i thought that when it really came down to it he would be there for me like he is for my brothers and sister, but no, i literally have no one, my phone doesn't make a sound, I have gone back to self harming just to feel something
     
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Broken pointless, I admire you courage to post your life story here. That's takes a lot of bottle to post that. A lot of respect to you. I just say please keep posting here as people will support. No one judges you here. Please take care.
     
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