I was diagnosed with major depression one year and two months ago. Although I was only diagnosed little over a year ago I had been feeling that way for as long as I can remember. My depression caused me to with draw from activities that I had previously loved to do. I would make excuses for why I would withdraw from activities and they were usually really horrible lies that no one believed but they know it wasn't worth fighting me on it. At first it started slowly, I didn't enjoy playing volleyball anymore. Then I decided I never wanted to hang out with friends, then I didn't like drawing any more. It got to the point where I wouldn't leave my house. I didn't want to go to school and I would end up leaving half way through the day because I couldn't handle it. On my worst night I was having suicidal thoughts and that’s when I decided that I needed help. I was so worried about telling people just because of the stigma that depression has. Some people believe that depression is a tool for those who crave attention to get it and I didn't want people to believe that was me, the other stigma is that you are defective. Only “defective” people would have the thoughts I did right? one day i just broke down and couldn't do it anymore and my dad walked in on me trying to kill myself. he was so upset that i became upset not because i didn't want to die anymore but because i didn't want what i did to hurt anyone else. he then made me go to therapy but i knew that we couldn't afford it so i made them all believe that i was better. I was such a good liar that even my therapist believed that all the pain i was hiding was gone. she gave herself a pat on the back for curing another patient, my parents took home a kid who they thought was happy and healthy, and i locked everything down promising to never let them know that i am still just as bad as i had ever been. to this day they still believe that i am a happy person who can take on the world. but what they don't know is that i cry myself to sleep every night or that i break out in tears on my way to school. no one knows that i hate every part of myself and that i wish i could silently disappear into the background and die.