1. Anonymous56028

    Anonymous56028 New Member

    So, this isn't something for attention. I know a lot of people on here probably don't care at all. But that doesn't matter I don't want someone's sympathy after this. What I want is for someone to read this and hopefully it make a change in their life. This isn't a success story, and this isn't a regret sorry. My life has gone on its way and will continue to, some days shit others not so shit. To begin my story, I was never one of those kids with troubled child hoods I got mostly anything I wanted as a kid and had two parents sometimes it was difficult to tell if I was loved, but I think even though it may not seem like it sometimes I am and was. Im not going to go into to much detail but last year around ish this time give or take a week or so. <mod edit - methods>. I sat there in silence staring at <mod edit - methods> and thinking, you know what this could be it. I could finally get some relief knowing that I will never be anything again. I wanted to, I think there is a difference in people who think about or have commit suicide, the ones who don't know what else to do and are lost. And the ones who want to, the ones who have given up and believe deep down they are worthless. And they are never going to see sunlight again. I was one of those people. I had a lot of emotional instability due to the fact of many dreadful events that unfolded so rapidly. People who say that oh depression isn't real. It's just for people who are weak, you have never lost something you cared deeply for. Or seen someone you care about die infront of your eyes. You don't know real loss. But anyway I sat there and the one thing that came to my head was one of my closest friends who will remain unnamed, laughing. Me and said friend just relaxing and talking as two very close friends. Then I started thinking about my other friends, my family, my mom, my dad, my teachers, and my fellow work mates. Anyone i interacted with regularly, it would effect them for the rest of their life. Yeah to most of the people I went to school with or knew ide just be forgotten in a few months as that one crazy kid I graduated with. But to some people, I would be apart of them that would die with me. The one thing that mattered to me forever and always would be my close friends/family's happiness. I would go out of my way to make my friends and family happy because as a famous quote I have heard many times and tell myself daily: "I think the saddest people always try and make people happy because they know what it feels like to be worthless and they do not want anyone to feel like that.". Which that was the only thing going through my head was how my family and friends would feel if I just gave up and killed myself. I couldn't do that to them, and I found my outlet. It wasn't drugs, it wasn't alcohol, and it wasn't cutting myself. What it was, is making people laugh. And seeing people's happiness. Because even though I may be having a bad day, if i can make one person happy. Then God damn it today was a good fucking day and I have completed my mission. I know this is getting long so im going to get to my point. To the person reading this. You may feel hopeless? Weak? Useless? Unworthy? Defeated? Unwanted? Unneeded? I want you to know you aren't. Some days are bad and some days are worse. But they are always going to only be days. It may seem like an eternity but trust me it isn't. Eventually there will be a change, it may seem forever away or impossible to reach. But it isn't, you can't stay bottled up forever. Think of a bottle building pressure, eventually it'll bust and explode. Unless you gradually release pressure or let the outside air take the pressure on. Talk to someone, anyone I don't care if it's the person next to you or the person who gave birth to you. ALL life is precious. Non of it should end over a stupid decision. Suicide is not a pain killer but a pain producer. Yea it may take away your pain, but it grows substantially on someone else and leeches onto them and it is a son of a bitch to get rid of. I want you to know, you beautiful and wonderful human being and that you are wanted. You are worthy. You are needed. You are strong. And you will make it through this. It may seem like a very dark storm is approaching or hell you are in the middle of it. But storms will end, clouds will dissipate. And you will. I promise you, you will prevail. Im sorry for all that has happened to you and I wish that I or something else could make you feel better. So to conclude, think of a t-Rex trying to make a bed. I hope that this saves atleast one life. It would make my heart skip a beat to hear that someone has given up on giving up and decided to fight this God damn awful storm, and to keep moving forward. Have an amazing day. And make this hell you are going through wish it didn't even start shit with you.
    -an anonymous survivor
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2015
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