My Story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Xaniac, Jan 5, 2016.

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  1. Xaniac

    Xaniac New Member

    Being smart and thinking about a lot is not always a nice thing. I believe that I think different than most people. I can't tell you about everything I think about, because that would be a way too long story to read. So I will keep it brief.

    I thought about the meaning of life recently. What do we do here? Basically we are just surviving on and on. We are supposed to pick a job and work with that. Now the problem is, that I do not know what I like. This may be the stupidest thing you have heard. I mean, yes, I can probably do anything that I like.

    So last year I started college. But I got very depressed over what you probably may consider stupid things. So I dropped out and now I have no clue what to do.
    Sometimes I get weird periods that I just basically want to kill myself. I go through scenarios and speculate how everything would happen. Yes, sometimes these are pretty sad :(...

    I am not afraid of death. Maybe humanity is scared of it, but I don't and yes I have a great theory about it. Though I don't want to share how I think of it as people tend to copy other people and others might get those thoughts too and that is not what I am going for.

    I have no clue how anyone could help me but I figured that writing some of it down wouldn't hurt.

    I am just... Lost.
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I think we can all feel lost and at a young age (you sound fairly young from what you've said in your post) it can be hard to know what you actually want to do with your life and where you would like to end up. My advice would be to try different things to see what you like, and what you don't like so you can get more of an idea of what you would like to do and what career path you would like to take. It's not set in stone that you have to decide now which career path you would like to end up on, most people don't find their ideal careers until their mid thirties so you are not under any time constraints to find your passion and what it is you really want to do.
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think you are less different than you think from a great many people. While there are many stories of tragedies and calamities that cause suicidal feelings and depression, actually the vast majority of cases do not have a specific triggers and reasons and being suicidal does not need to be because of some event or have any reason at all, it very often is just not feeling like a person fits in or that they feel like they are isolated and different. Not knowing what to do and not having succeeded the first attempt at college is actually the majority of people. Consider it good fortune you dropped out before having spent 5 years of your life and being many tens of thousands in debt and still not having a clue what you want to do.

    The real truth is- you do not need to know what you want to do with the rest of your life or the next 20 years or even the next 5 or 10 years. Don't bother trying to figure out your whole life right now at this age, just figure out what you want to do tomorrow or next week or later this year perhaps and work on things to accomplish that. Trying to make great master plans or these grand lifetime dreams are elusive and just wishing you knew what was right does not make it happen. Keep it simpler and live for the present a little more for a while until the the "big plan"comes all by itself and if it does not come in the next year or two is nothing lost- so long as you are living in the present you can give your life some happiness and reason for being even without a master plan.
     
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