Being smart and thinking about a lot is not always a nice thing. I believe that I think different than most people. I can't tell you about everything I think about, because that would be a way too long story to read. So I will keep it brief. I thought about the meaning of life recently. What do we do here? Basically we are just surviving on and on. We are supposed to pick a job and work with that. Now the problem is, that I do not know what I like. This may be the stupidest thing you have heard. I mean, yes, I can probably do anything that I like. So last year I started college. But I got very depressed over what you probably may consider stupid things. So I dropped out and now I have no clue what to do. Sometimes I get weird periods that I just basically want to kill myself. I go through scenarios and speculate how everything would happen. Yes, sometimes these are pretty sad ... I am not afraid of death. Maybe humanity is scared of it, but I don't and yes I have a great theory about it. Though I don't want to share how I think of it as people tend to copy other people and others might get those thoughts too and that is not what I am going for. I have no clue how anyone could help me but I figured that writing some of it down wouldn't hurt. I am just... Lost.