My story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by VJKoone, Jul 16, 2007.

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  1. VJKoone

    VJKoone Member

    Heres my story of why I am here.. some days I am craving to die others it doesn't even come to me. Heres an email explaining my life, so if it feels a little out of context thats why.. or something. (talks about Religion a little, sorry if it isn't aloud?)

    "Well I am only 16 years old. And honestly I have had suicidal thoughts at least every 3 days in some way or an other for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a fully Christian household, even my mother is a manager at a Christian TV network. I used to be a Christian until I realized how bad my life was. I have always been a quiet shy person, no confidence or self esteem. I am even too scared to learn how to drive. Never had a partner, been kissed, only have one friend I talk to twice a week if I am lucky. Every day since middle school I have never been to any social events. After school I would always come home, right to my bedroom, lock the door and live out my life in here. And I still do, I have even switched to home schooling just so I could be that much more freaking pathetic. The only times I leave my house is to visit my Dad every few weekends for dinner. I realized if God existed he is a cruel man to have made me like this. Even if Christianity was the way I am bisexual (too scared to come out though) which would give me a one way ticket to hell as my mother would say. And so would suicide as she also says, so why wait and stretch out my miserable life, why not just end it as soon as possible? I announced my atheism to my parents but they still go on every day, asking me to church and pray for things as if nothing happened. They just wont accept it. The only thing that is stopping me is I don't have the "balls." I am absolutely certain I want to do this, not for attention or cry for help. I haven't told anyone about this before."

    That being said I think I am getting worse, I've been having thoughts of starting to cut to help me finally do it. I really don't want to but it just keeps building up. I want to get help, I have been thinking medication but I am too scared to tell anyone what goes on in my mind.
  2. me1

    me1 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your troubles. Hope you find some support here and reconsider taking your life. Its not a solution, just an end before a solution can be found, as they say. *hugs* Please take care. Have you tried any kind of self-assertiveness classes as a solution to your shyness?
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