So I guess this is the only place for me to explain what is going on in my mind. I used to have a person I could talk to but that's changed (which I'll explain in a moment). I'm 22 years old (23 in 4 months) and I basically have come to the realization that I am in big trouble and have no real reason to keep living. I'm in my 4th year of university, which is giving nothing but frustrations and a debt that is rapidly approaching $35000 and I still have a year to go. I can't focus and I really don't seem to care about anything anymore. One of my problems is I am just so lonely that I don't see the point of doing anything else, if I'm always going to be alone. I have zero experience in anything involving a relationship, no kissing, no girlfriends and no dates. Go ahead a laugh, everyone else has. I'm just always seen as a friend to girls. I'm the guy they can talk to about their problems and I'll listen and if i can give them advice. I'm the really sweet guy that any girl would be "lucky to have" but not the one any of them want. There is only so I long you can be this guy and not start to break. I've also developed the quite strong hatred for most human beings. Everything in the world makes me angry and I hate not being able to do anything about it. I used to know what I wanted to be and how to get there but ever since i came to university, I lost that certainty. I no longer have the marks that are needed, nor do I really even care about it anymore. I could probably work harder to get 90's instead of 70's but I see no point. I think I've been dealing with depression since 1st year but I've made it this far because I had someone to talk to about some of the things I was feeling. This was a girl that lived in my residence and we became very close friends over the 3 years we've known each other. But me being me, developed feelings stronger than friendship for her and seeing as she's out of my league I do what I'm used to doing and hide them. This however has made it impossible to talk to her about what I'm doing and now I just keep going crazy. I see a future where I'm in debt, have no job or a job that I hate just so I can make some money. I'm alone, and like I said, have no reason to be alive. I've wanted to die for the last few years but haven't killed myself simply because I haven't decided how and because I don't want to hurt the very few people I think actually care about me. I would never want to make them feel pain like I do. The thing is I just don't think I can really go on much longer. I know that the problems are really my fault and I'm the only one that can really change them but I just think that I'm too messed up to do it. I don't think like other people and feel like I'm just pretending to be the person that people see me as. I don't even know what I expect to get out of writing this.