Just wanted to get this out, feel free to tell me what you think 3 years ago, after I lost my Mother to Cancer and I moved in with my Dad to look after him. I have always had problems with anxiety and depression but I sort of coped ok through panic attacks and feeling sick at times. I met this girl who had 2 children of her own from her marriage, she also had a 5 year old son from a 2nd relationship and had been single then for 3 years. She brought me out of my depression and gave me something to live for, for the next 3 years I chased and spent time with her, going up her house for dinner on occasion and taking her sons out, we would see each other 3 or 4 times a week. She made me get a job and everything I done was for her, for the hope of a normal loving life. Then my dad was diagnosed with Cancer and died the following year, I moved into a rented house and started to feel depression coming on again. She had said to me that she was waiting for her first 2 sons to finish her exams before she could think of entering another serious relationship, she still needed time after her last relationship, she always said that she had few partners in the past and didn't just 'hop into bed' with guys. And I was fine with that... Until.... one day she came to me and said that her friend had set her up with a date with a guy that she had known, she said that they were going out for a drink (She always said to me before that she couldn't go out in the evenings because she woudln't leave the kids) and she had gotten rid of the kids and was going to sleep with him that night too. It honestly felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest, I thought I was going to actually cry, and she was looking so excited and happy I smiled, I dont even know what I replied.. So anyways, its only a week later and this guy and has moved into her house. He doesn't have a job and is/was addicted to cocaine. It didn't last tho, the guy moved out within a couple of weeks but the relationship carried on even though she told me he had been getting oral sex off other women too, within a couple of months she was pregnant and they both finished, I still spoke to her a couple of times a week but didn't say anything to her about the issue, she kept the baby and they resumed they're weekend relationship. I cant describe what it felt like to you when she brought the kids round to my house (She had only let me meet her boyfriend once, he was never around) and showed me the baby scans, it was my dream but someone else had stolen it! The babys now been born and he's moved in for a short time to care for it with her, but she tells me they would never move in together it would never work out. I did talk to her about my feelings recently, i'm not sure she really understood how much I did care about her. She said that she didn't realise I had feelings for her and that she did love me. and she thought I could do better, but I dont believe this, she had even said that she'd marry me in a few years if we were both still single. Now the woman I loved and the kids I all cared for for so long are going to be spending Christmas with they're beautiful new baby boy, and the man who stole my life and doesn't even appreciate it. He has 6 other children from previous relationships the first of which got taken into adoption because his mother abused him. While i'll be sitting in my house, with no family left, no xmas dinner, no presents and no hope. Sorry it was so long, thanks if you read it!