My story?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Klax0r, Feb 4, 2008.

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  1. Klax0r

    Klax0r Member

    Life story:

    I've been lazing around my house playing video games basically my entire life. I was never popular in school, made fun of in fact (who would've guessed :tongue: I've long forgotten about that, though). I'm very anti-social, not shy or afraid to speak, just don't have anything to say to anybody. I have enough friends, although, they're all male. I don't seem to be able to relate to the females much, so I can't really do anything with them, 20 year old virgin :sad:.

    I started smoking pot at the age of 14, dropped out of school at 17, for about 3 years I sat around my house, playing video games, good times with weed/alchy/friends, got my first job at the age of 19 (just about 20 too, wow LATE LATE LATE!) I've been working there (Wendy's, EEK! :eek:hmy:) for about 11 months now. And here we are.

    So far, what I've gathered is that life is completely meaningless. None of us really know what we're doing here, a lot of people seem to think that they do know, however, which I find to be very sad, they don't see the truth: Religion, Governments, Systems, etc all are irreperrably fucking up our world and I see absolutely no hope for "the human race". We just pointlessly carry on trying to entertain ourselves until death. The only thing that keeps me entertained in life is playing video games, smoking weed, and USED TO BE hanging out with friends, but I don't really talk much anymore because I barely see any reason to. I basically just speak when spoken to, speak when I NEED TO like at work, or when I have a comment or sarcastic joke.

    People... people are so stupid, so god damn stupid its unbelievable. Logic, reason, have you guys heard of this, wtf? WTF?! WTF?!?!?!? It's seriously MIND BOGGLING. Everyone I talk to just seems stupid, everyone at work thinks I'm a weirdo cause I give them funny looks all the time. They say stupid ass shit to me and expect a stupid ass answer back. People seem to just mindlessly joke around to pass the time.

    I have ABSOLUTELY NO MOTIVATION, ABSOLUTELY NO MOTIVATION, ABSOLUTELY NO MOTIVATION to do anything because I don't seem to care about anything anymore (except my friends and family of course). Everyone seems to think that possessions, goals, and achievements are so important, but in such a fucked up world, it just doesn't seem worth it to me.

    Every day is the same for me, I go to work, come home, smoke and play on the computer. All people seem to repeat patterns like this as well, although they also set goals/changes along the way, which I definitely don't seem to be doing. That's where the ABSOLUTELY NO MOTIVATION thing comes into play. I don't see ANY reason, ANY reason at all to do anything. Because there isn't one.

    We're like this microscopic piece in the fabric of the universe, a chemical reaction of the elements that spawned "life", its a race to adapt and keep surviving, we've got that down so well that we have so much free time, so we need to entertain ourselves. Being self-aware has plagued me with the question "Why?", I ask it to just about everything. I feel like I've asked it too many times, so now I see things in such a way that I am basically just an observer and I can't really have fun with life because I see how pointless it is. It seems that everyone's low IQ may be the reason for their happiness, "Ignorance is bliss."

  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Hiya, I sure know what you mean about being a speck in the universe, I often feel that way. It took me forever to find something I love doing. I tried a bunch of jobs, different programs at school. Nothing good until I picked up a camera.

    I'm a bit of a loner, too, but I "take it out" on my art. My anger, frustration, boredom, loneliness, what have you. I just make photos. And write. Some days I have little or no motivation. Some days I'm very ambitious. It comes and goes in waves, as does my desire to die. I am just trying to ride with it when I'm down, and get out into the sunshine when I'm not.

  3. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Many will disagree but I think a mans primary motivation is sex, and if you lose your virginity at a later age this can be somewhat stifled. In order to develop relationships etc, which is another prime motivator for life you have to be comfortable sexually in my opinion.

    So my advice is to see a few escorts, learn about how two people can pleasure each other, become comfortable with yourself and then go on from there.

    It may sound shallow, but in our society being a male virgin at a later age does carry a stigma and for most men affects their self esteem quite greatly.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Yeah, there are people out there who don't care, are stupid, reckless and ignorant. As with anything, there's good and bad depending on your view point.

    Also there is a stigma about men not having sex at a young age and also now women as well. But just because society says this is how it should be and how it shouldn't be, does that make society right and true. Not by a long shot.
  5. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Hi. You sound intelligent. Most people's lives are completely meaningless, but that's only because they never thought about doing anything useful. You can make yours have a meaning if you want to. Money is just a tool that people have become waaay too obsessed about. I could write more, but other people have already said it better, so I'm going to be really lazy and just link to them :)
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Klaxor. I'm a 27 year old virgin, so you're still ahead of me. :tongue: You sound like a very intelligent person, since you have a good idea of how the world works. I agree, governments are currupting our world and making us worse off, but we still have to do our best and hope that things work out ok. Life is full of challenges. It's up to us to find meaning to our lives.

    You also sound like you don't place much value on material wealth, which is a good thing actually. Our society has become too obsessed with obtaining as many possessions as possible, and we've forgotton the true purpose of our existence. Why are we here? I believe we are here to experience God's creation and make the best of our situation. Some days are good, some are bad. It's all part of life.
  7. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    from what i read, it seems you haven't had many experiences with girls. maybe you should try opening up to one, its nto as hard as it seems and you have nothing to lose yet verything to gain.

    from experience, one girl changed my whole perspective of life, maybe it can for yours too.
  8. Sammy85

    Sammy85 New Member

    the attitude with this forum is all wrong..the point of it should be you don't have to change for society but need to have assurance of yourself. If you get down b/c ur a virgin...then u can change it..if ur life gets boring and repetitave then U can change it. You can't expect things to fall into ur lap if u don't put forth the effort to make ur life better than it will never get better. Don't let someone tell u how to live ur life. I'm new here let me tell u my so called TRUE friends left me out on the highway after someone apparently spiked my drink..I can't recall any of the events of the club to the highway except that when I finally came to..I was walking 3 hours (w/out driving) to my cell phone, no jacket, no recollection of what happened except that I had been abandoned..I then got attacked by a man at a gas station..i barely remember what happened, then when he was done i ran as fast as i could...i tried callin people..but i was scared I then hitch hiked with some stranger i didn't the end when i thought i was calling ANOTHER TRUE friend..she came picked me up and continued to yell at me about how I told my other so called friend about something me and her did...all the while I'm thinking after the night i had u think she would have hugged me..told me everything was going to be okay..but instead she bashed me some yea I went home and overdosed on pills..don't remember how the paramedics got there or to the hospital..right now my feelings are abit shambled i don't know how to handle it..personally i dont think i can..the sad part is this was only ONE incident in my life...I'm trying to seek the help the comfort..but nothing helps..i only cut myself..i cant talk anymore my motto..."if no one cares about me, tell me honestly why I should care for myself?" But honestly in the end...if I want my life to is MY choice no one elses..that's the point I'm trying to get's easy for ppl to say it when their life is just going oh soo great..but coming from someone who really knows that u are the only one who can pick urself up and dust urself off and move on. It has taken 22 years of my life to realize no one is going to love u the most except for u and God. It's a hard lesson to learn but i think everyone ends up learning my case apparently I must be hard headed. Summing up sorry, just live ur life for u and no one else b/c in the end u are the one who has to be happy with urself.
  9. 2cents

    2cents Well-Known Member

    hi there klaxor, you have put forward most of the stuff that plagued my mind all this time; just want to let you know that i'm almost same as you are.
    To ask all those questions about life & what people do... Well i have no answer to that as well but i guess i'll stick around till nature takes it course
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