My Story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Twilightning, Jun 8, 2008.

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  1. Twilightning

    Twilightning New Member

    Well where do I begin.. I'm 17, male and living in Ireland.

    I've thought about suicide for the last while because I'm just so lonely in my life and I feel like there's nothing going to be ahead for me.

    Growing up I wasn't always the most social one, somethings opting to stay inside and play video games while my other childhood friends stayed outside. I dunno, I guess I just preferred being alone as a child, I valued my alone time.

    But I'm afraid now I have too much of it. I'm stuck here in my room for sometimes a week at a time before I even step outside the door because I just don't feel like doing anything. I see what little friends I have now and again but it seems it isn't cheering me up. I don't feel like I have any real friends to confide in.

    I'm starting to have a particular dislike towards people nowadays. I've tried my best to make new friends and the ones I do make just fuck me over. I made friends with a girl back in October and she just became a total bitch to me while I was sick and stopped talking to me. Another girl I befriended shortly after stopped talking to me randomly after inviting me to go to the cinema for her birthday. I text her to get the times and she never responded, ever. Befriended a guy well before those two and he just turned out to be an ungrateful bastard who didn't really appreciate our friendship that much at all.

    Aside from friends, I've never stayed friends with any girlfriends I've had because they always just end up fucking me over too. Some even trying to have me beaten up because I defended myself after they spread lies about me and insulted me. And just recently I fell for a girl who is a good friend of mine with "commitment issues" who said she wasn't ready for a relationship yet, but now is seeing somebody she just met after telling me I'm an "amazing, funny and sweet guy" and that she'd only end up cheating on me if we were to be together.

    I know I'm only 17 and suicide might be a bit out of the way for the age I'm at, but I genuinely don't feel there's anything past today worth experiencing for me. I've had life experience. I've had relationships, I've been in love, I've experienced severe loss (Father died at 14). What the fuck else is there?

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. zRichi

    zRichi Member

    hey man

    that sounds quite dread man. Bare in mind your only 17 tho...I'm 21 and attempted suicide twice between 16 and 17 but now my hormones, mood swings n stuff have much more stabalized now I'm 21.

    When I look back at 17 I just think "what a bitch" laugh n get on with it.

    I dunno...I'm not gonna lie to you though. Life doesn't suddenly become a Hugh Hefner paradise once u get into your twenties...but it does get better. And people seem a bit more real as well. Friends for example have to schedule you in, so theres less bullshit and more honesty.

    Some of my best memories have been playing computer games, sitting on the porch talking with friends. Occasionally I think of suicide still but that being said, I do still enjoy life. Try and make a plan for yourself in where you want to go in life...that way you start to give less of a fuck what people think.

    Just as an example I've started a teaching certificate and now know that in September I'll be any place but here. So I walk around with my "I don't give a fuck what you think" grin, and am honest to the point of brutality to friends and aquaintances.

    :biggrin:
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well, i remember when i was about your age
    i had reall issues with girls as well, and i can tell you why
    now that i undarstand that, teenage girls are usally act like brainless creatures, i mean, thay have emotions, and fealings, but no brain...
    I guess it have something to do with thair hormons or something...
    I noticed it when again and again i saw how the girls i knew was harmed by relations just becouse thay dont think AT ALL!!
    Some of them got raped, others was unsure about thair sexuality and such..
    As far as what i could descover, teenage girls are all about fun thay dont want a commitment and thay will switch you wihtout a blink
    of an eye if thay will find someone "better", and better for them is wealthier or with better social reputation (ussaly).
    After that i just waited, by the age of 20 i got to know 18 year old girls, thay are much smarter, but usally thay too buessy studying
    or working with no time for relations, and if thay have time thay alway want to meet a stable guy (25+ with job and his own house).
    Now im 23, dont have a gf, and i just keep discovering new things...
    For example i tryed to find a date for like 4 months now, EACH AND EVERY girl i found and talkd to (dating sites), sayd the same thing:
    "you are nice... funny.. blah blah... but im not rdy\too fast\blahblah"
    After that i found about the "freands list" and checked the freands of the popular girls i talkd too, and guess what i found?
    All thair MALE freands was:
    With a good car\Fit Boddy\Private House\Citizenship in a diffrent country
    and ofcourse, money.

    And it is ok, i can undarstand that, good looking girl, she can find a nice rich guy, people like us will alway be on second or even third
    place for them, and with guys like us this girls will alway wait till the end like age of 30, only then if everything ales didnt workd, thay will give us a chance...

    Sad but true
    I found out about it just becouse i like to reserch + my own expiriance

    Sorry for the long replay
    P.S
    If you want sex, teenage girls are the easyest to find, dont ask why
    its just a fact... but stable relations, its a 1 of 100 chance
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to focus on school right now. Are you planning to go to college? You definitley need an education now adays. I was a high school drop out, I chose drugs over education, and now it has showed it's teeth and bitt me in the ass.
    When you get to college you will find most ppl are more mature. Who knows you might even find yourself a sweetheart. I wish you the best of luck. Oh yeah stay away from pubs when you decide to start looking for your sweetheart. The girls you will find in pubs are still pretty wild and you don't need that on top of everything else going thru your life.
    I hope you decide to give it a go! What do you have to loose? stay strong:chopper:
     
  5. Twilightning

    Twilightning New Member

    Well I don't drink at all so I don't think there's any danger of me picking up a girl from the pub. =P

    But my problem isn't really with girls, just that I'm lonely. I'm 17, summer's just come and I have absolutely nothing planned, and nobody to really make plans with. I hear of other people saying they're going to concerts and parties and I'm just stuck here alone in my room, sitting at a computer or just lying in bed.

    It's driving me crazy.
     
  6. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    I totaly undarstand how you feel.
    I came to Ukraine 5 months ago, new country, i dont know anyone here
    So for the past 5 months 80% of the time i spent sitting alone in front
    of my computer or PS3, or watching TV\DVDs...
    And its not like i ever had social problems, its just hard to make freands
    when you dont share history with them.
     
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi twilightning

    if you don't have anything to do this summer you could try volunteering, first off you'll be doing something good (for other people, or the planet) and secondly you might meet people. another thing to try would be a class, like yoga perhaps, or photography where you could also meet other people as well as learn something new. i don't know what part of ireland you are from, but i get together (only once a month or so) with other film-based photographers for a day out. if that interests you have an open invitation to join us.

    i have recommended this article to other people: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/are-you-lonely?pp=1 . I hope it helps.
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well i'm not going to say everything will be peachy. You need to find youself before you can find a significat other. My parents kicked me out when I was seventeen because I was driving mom crazy coming home stoned all the time. I had nowhere to go so I packed a bag and hit the road hitchiking across the states. After a couple of months I came back to florida.
    After muching off my sister for a couple more months I decided my life wasn't going anywhere I joined the Marines. I have to admit I was one proud SOB when I graduated boot camp.
    I still carry that pride at the age of fifty-one. I am not suggesting the military to you. I am just using that as an example. That turned out to be the right decision for me, it made me grow up quick. You need to set short term goals to acheive. After you start accomplishing those start setting a longterm goal. well that ought to give you something to think about. Don't worry about the girls they will come in time. Like you said you are only seventeen. Give life a chance before you decide to settle down. Good luck and stay strong.:chopper:
     
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