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My story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by desperate4help, Nov 19, 2008.

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  1. A few years back I got quite badly bullied by one person at school.
    Probably the biggest thing he did to me that I remember is when he punched me in the back/neck, really hard, completely unprovoked.

    Presently, my neck still clicks and pops involuntarily, and I get into these weird chains of thought where I thinkif he never punched me, my neck wouldn't have clicked, and so and so would've happened, and then i would've met so and so, spoken to him, done that.... And although this sounds silly its true isnt it, so I get really angry and upset.

    But should I blame him? I may have had a clicking neck now if it wasn't for him, I just wil never know.

    PS. I actually managed to get in touch with him, and when I asked why he did it, he says he cant remember.
    However he says he might have done it to make people like him, and also said he was pretty messed up from getting bullied himself. (Which I think is true actually)

    Please write back, I am in a real state at the moment, if you could see me you would know how bad I am and look right now:sad:
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi D and welcome...have you sought medical attention for your neck? maybe there is some exercise or physical therapy that can help you...it is very sad that you were bullied and injured, but there also will come a time when you will know you did not deserve this, and that you have a responsibility to yourself to move on (I know it is difficult with this constant reminder, but you do not want this event to rule your life)...big hugs, J
  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with sadeyes. Do not let this episode rule and ruin your life. Seek medical attention for your neck as it can probably be helped but do not delay...

    What do you mean exactly dear by : "Please write back, I am in a real state at the moment, if you could see me you would know how bad I am and look right now"

    what's going through your mind desperate???

    please write back and tell us whats going on in your mind.

    hug from granny x
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Desperate,
    I agree you need to let it go. All that would happen is it will eat away at you and make you bitter. I went to a black junior high school back when they were having all the race riots back in the 70's. I was at my locker switching books when someone crambed my face into the lockers, when I turned around there was like seven guys standing there. So who do I punch? No one because they all would have kicked my ass.
    I let it go and haven't thought about it in years until I read your post. I am sure you can find better things to do with your thoughts than holding in all that hostility. I agree also that you should have it looked at, you may have a disc that is out of place. If you don't do something now you might pay for it later when you get to be my age and the pains never go away. Take Care!~Joseph~
  5. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I can understand where you are coming from with this, to make you feel better I have some worse problems that were more or less caused by other people and it has made me angry in a way that I dont think is forgivable

    But I understand what you are saying as far as the chain of thoughts and "what if's"

    I dont know what to tell you, at least it is your neck and perhaps other problems that make you want to kill yourself, like something I am currently dealing with

    And that is good that you spoke to this guy, maybe he will feel guilty now

    Life is fucked up and isnt fair, and you can always become a better person when you are the one being bullied and have no release, however the downside is this world is run by fucking assholes and bullies

    But those what if's are basically what plagues my mind nowadays, I know exactly where you come from with that
  6. Thank you
  7. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    How are you feeling today Desperate?
  8. worse than yesterday. much, much worse:sad:
  9. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I'm really sorry you are feeing so low desperate. What this bully did even if he too was bullied was unnecessary. He should have realized what the lasting effects could be considering how he felt being bullied. Regardless of the past, please don't let him ruin your life and your chances of being happy. The positive thing is you did talk to him about and asked him why he did it. I hope that somehow closed the door to that chapter in your life and with getting some help from doctors about the click in your neck you could have a promising future filled with happiness etc.

    Best of luck desperate.
  10. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Kiana is right Desperate. It is a chapter in your life which is over with. Turn the page and start a new chapter filled with happiness and do not fear the past, it is over with.

    Best wishes dear
    granny x
  11. I have tried SO hard to move on.
    But tell me this - how can I when the clicks remind me of it?
    Please answer
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Go see a chiropractor, If that doesn't help then go see your family doctor. Like I said earlier you could have a disc out of place. As long as it has been you probably have built up calcium around it.~Joseph~
  13. chiropractor didnt help, he simply "clicked" my back every week for a ridiculous price.
    and the doctor said its "normal" for your neck to click.

    so as you can see, i'm in a bit of a horrible situation:mad:
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Desperate4help,

    Welcome to the forum :welcome:

    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I was bullied too when I was a teenager so I know the long lasting and traumatic effects it has. Maybe counseling would help you to deal with it? You are very strong to have contacted the person that bullied you, I think the best thing you can do is forgive him and move on , don't let it ruin your future :hug: I'm here if you need to talk :)
  15. well daisychain, were you physically bullied?
    because it is far, far worse than mental and verbal bullying.

    how can i forgive him when my neck continues to click? and counselling isnt going to change my neck.
    and doctors dont seem to be able to do anything as its mainly only a click and nothing else, probably not even worth an x-ray.

  16. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I can relate to you on many ways, but I promise you I am far worse, I dont know what to tell you other then you have to find some way to get over it, as they say you have to forgive them or forgive yourself for your own good

    We are really alone in this world and only we can find the answers or achieve a peace on our own
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I wasn't physically bullied, I was emotionally builled..blackmailed etc..

    Maybe if you pay privately the doctors will agree to do something with it?

  18. hi, thanks for reply.
    what sort of things can you relate? it might help me to know more specifics, but only if you want to.
  19. Someone comment, PLEASE
  20. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    To be honest, I doubt it is realistic to expect to completely forgive him at the moment. However, like someone has already said, you don't want to let this thing rule your entire life.
    I definitely would think that seeing a counsellor or therapist might help. What is your current situation in terms of job, friends, etc?
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