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My story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jj_x.x, Feb 10, 2009.

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  1. jj_x.x

    jj_x.x New Member

    i need to get it out. i dnt no wherr 2 begin i read posts of people who have been raped n abused or lost someone close to them and i feel even more weak. i have nothing no frends no real frends my parents js separated and my dad turned his back on me along with my brother. so just me n my mum now n everyday i av 2 hear her negativity i av 2 see her crying or tellin me wat shitty fing append 2 er dat day den da nx day she fyn n she fuks off n its js me at ome 4 a few days y she parties away. I h8 it. i feel like such a drama queen desperately seekin attention i always second gess myself bcoz im neva sure if wat im upset about is actually worth it. i feel soooo lonely ive already tried to overdose once ive tried cuttin maself wid a razor but ryt now i js feel weak and insecure PATHETIC EVEN.

    i spend my days at uni work or wid my boyfrend, BOYFREND yes i av sumwun hu loves me so ppl ask y du i feel lonely n da truth is i dont know. i used 2 tell hiiim everythiing he's all ive got n wun day e sez he isnt sure if e wants 2b wid me bcoz im so down all the time bcoz im alwayz cryin. so now i wna die even more n den e suddenly decides e made a mistake n i 4give him bcoz he WANTS me n i love him n das wa i want but now how am i meant to tell him how im feelin if that suddenly became a reason y e didnt wna b with me? well i cant i dont feel safe to. so who can i turn to? he has already got angry at me once 4 tryin 2 overdose on pain killers i js cant or he'll leave n i will be alone.

    I cling to him n i h8 it im so insecure n i h8 it n most ppl fink insecure in a relationshiip she must accuse him all the time and i dont i keep everything inside or he gets rele mad n shuts me out n i feel so alone n i cnt bear it. ryt now i got angry coz sum girl keeps txin his fone n e shut me out so now i cant sleep and im js sitting here with tears rollin down ma face n im finkin n getin mad at myself y did i say anythin! so 4 those wonderin y im lonely wen i av sumwun 2 love me bcoz i cant tlk 2 him bcoz e will think ders sumthin rong with me agen n leave js like everyone else.

    at uni im ignored no one talks 2 me i did try n make frends but the less i made frends the less i felt like tryin

    i js feel weak like i dnt deserve my life i dont deserve to be happy i feel pathetic some people go fru so much in life n i sit here n cry n wanting to die or 2 hurt myself n disappear but nevaa quite avn the guts to du nethin about it. i desperately cling to the onli person hu shows me any affection n wen e takes it away i crumble. im just a joke.

    i know i dont wna be here ne more im just not sure if dat means i dont want life at all or im seeking a new one but dont know quite wher 2 find it

    u havent got 2 post nethin it was js nice 2 let it all out
  2. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: there is a thread group on here called "Let It All Out" or something along the lines of that, just for future references.

    i'm currently going through similar problems. My mom is always upset and same with my dad, but for different reasons. I hate seeing her cry, it makes me very upset.

    i also have a boyfriend, and a couple of friends, but i still feel completely empty inside. my boyfriend hasnt wanted to break up with me, but my very best friend said that he wasnt going to be friends with me anymore because i'm always sad. Have you had a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend about why you feel this way.? It really does help, and i know that it's really hard to come up with the words.

    When i moved schools this year, i had a hard time making friends because im super self conscience and i have high anxiety. maybe you could start going to consuling or therapy? It really does help, and if money is the issue, then you can talk to some people on here about how youre feeling and we'll give you the best help possible.

    welcome to the forum hunny :hug:
    i hope some of this helped.

    if you ever want to talk to me
    my message box is always open :)
  3. jj_x.x

    jj_x.x New Member

    thank u hun, ur post rele helpd i din sleep last nyt i was js cryin n shakin n ma boyfrend came in e hugged me n askd him 2 tell him wat ws rong at 1st i js shut off but i told him how if he leave i feel alone n i cnt tlk 2 him bowt feelin alone bcoz it made him wna leave b4 e sed i shud tlk 2 him n e ain goin ne wher which is gd but i feel so mad inside dat i av 2b brekin down 4 him 2 reach out at me kinda feel liike e js feels sorry 4 me n i dont want him 2!
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like he is trying to be there for you. Your self esteem is rock bottom. Why don't you sit down and make a list of all the negative thoughts you have and then take one each day and work on changing it to something positive. I agree you should get into therapy because they can shed light on your problems and teach you how to cope better. Stay here on the forum and we will help support you. You can feel free to talk about anything because we don't judge people. I'm sure you will make friends here also.. Take Care!!~Joseph~
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