My story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fimbul, Aug 18, 2009.

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  1. Fimbul

    Fimbul New Member

    ok, here goes. I realize, after lurking here for about a day that my situation can be trivial. Please bear with me.

    Last few days I've been walking around in the cemetary a lot. I look at all the graves, I wonder who they were, and I sit at the graves of people I used to know, and of the graves of children (those are sad aren't they?:sad:)
    I find it peaceful, and I find that the only thing that is keeping me from joining them is my kids.

    For those interested, wall of text below.

    Some years ago I became a father involunteraly. I suspect that she became pregnant in a desperate attempt to keep me. We had a brief relationship, but had broken up prior to the sex we had that resulted in her pregnancy. Long story short, she was mad because I didnt want to get together with her, she threatened with keeping the baby away from me, that she would do everything possible to Destroy our relationship, etc.
    Thats when I met my ex girlfriend, and another cause of the mess I am in. She "rescued" me from the pain I was in. She made me stronger, and she made me stand up to the abuse I was getting from my kids mother. For a good while, everything was fine. My kids mother calmed down, got to her senses, and I have a good relationship with both her and my son now.

    After living with my ex for a few years we decided to have a kid. She was aware of the pain I went through of course, and she knew that my son was the most important thing to me, and that I had ptsd after all I went through. I also told her that having children with someone is something I take very seriously, and that I trusted her to be "the one".
    She got pregnant, and we now have a loverly daugther of 2.
    In february, I noticed something was not right. We stopped communicating, and we stopped having sex. I figured it was just a phase, the kid demanding much of her mother and so on. Then she told me she wanted to break up with me. We are still living together, but come 1. of september, we will be moving to seperate appartments. I'm worried about how my reaction will be when that happens. I feel betrayed by the one that saved me. Can't really blame her though, if she has no feelings, she has no feelings. Can't be helped.
    Now I have 2 kids that I don't live with.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    First off, no one's problems are ever trivial. They are what have brought you here. What are causing you pain and thoughts of suicide. I'm glad that you found SF. And I want to thank you for having the courage to post about your situation.
    I wanted to let you know that although I'm a female (not necessarily the sex you might want help from right now lol), a single mom with 4 kids the youngest being from what I thought was going to be a long term rather than the short term relationship it was, and I'm dealing with custody issues right now. So if you think I can help you with advice or support please dont hesitate to drop me a line. Might take a bit cuz if I'm not fighting for my turn on the puter with the older ones, I'm just plain fighting with the youngest (lol). Good luck and hope you find the support and advice you came here for.
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Wow it sounds like you've been through alot. Your very strong to have overcome all of this and I'm sure you'll overcome moving out. It also sounds like you care about your children. That is so good to hear, because not all dads want to be in the life of their children. From your post it shows that you love them very much.

    Please keep talking to us, we want to hear from you. :hugtackles:
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