So I have been feeling this way for quite a while. At 15 I went on accutane to control my acne. It turned me so insecure that I didn't want to do anything. I've heard It was a serious medication but went on it anyways cause I thought my life would be better if I looked better. I can't blame accutane though for my depression and anxiety because I had a bad childhood. Shortly after I finish the accutane I started taking anti-depressants and have been on and off for the last few years. I didn't like the sexual side effects that I got from them. Now when I have sex I have a hard time maintaining a erection, don't know if this is permanent effects from the anti-depressants or because of my constant being uncomfortable with intimacy. I am a constant worrier, I read things on the Internet about side effects of the medicines I took and it freaks me out that I could have these problems. May sound stupid to you but it's a serious matter for me. The first and only time I atempted suicide was a year ago by overdosing on aspirin. It was not a good experience. I had to go to the emergency room and drink charcol all night. They put me back on lexapro after. I was on it for 7 months and gained 20 pounds on it. I since then have lost the weight off of it. Have been off of it for 4 months. Everyday gets worse and worse and life isn't enjoyable. People wonder why I feel this way because they tell me Im a good looking guy. Like that makes things better or something. For the record I don't believe I'm a good looking guy at all. I see a monster in the mirror. I think about getting a gun and ending it all. I lost all interest in life, I use to exercise alot but lost interest in that. What's the use. I'm always tired, never want to leave my room. I gain nothing from life. I want to try to find support so that's why I came here.