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My Story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sk123, Jan 19, 2010.

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  1. sk123

    sk123 Member

    Ill try make this clear and to the point. I have wasted enough time asking for advice in the past.

    I do not want to live, and the only reason I remain alive is because I do not want to hurt my family members.

    This makes for a miserable existence on my part.

    Why am I so miserable? My life has just been filled with.... bad luck. I have tried to do good for myself, but I just cant seem to catch a break. I try, I really do.

    I was a miserable child, I am now a miserable adult. I am a 24 year old male (soon to be 25). I have never had a relationship. I have tried, but I also seem to go nowhere with relationships. I am a virgin. I wish I could start a family and have someone to love. It would make a world of a difference.

    I recently lost my job and I have not been able to recover since that. Im running out of money. Its just not good.

    I have had work trouble ever since I completed high school. I went on to a technical college, that went bankrupt and took all my saved up post secondary money. It ruined a large portion of my life and changed my outlook on society.

    How is it possible to get out of a rut? And do not bring up God into the equation for me, I do not believe at all.
  2. sk123

    sk123 Member

    I guess I should also note that I have been constantly suicidal since the age of 15 or so. This is an ongoing issue for me.

    Never attempted it, but certainly know how I would end it. This is the closest I have ever been.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well first off I would say stay out of a relationship... especially the sexual part. I was in a similar situation a couple years back. However, now that I am not having any sex I am even more tense and depressed. Some days it feels like I am going through withdrawl. It is terrible, I envy you in the position you are in, wish I was still there.

    You say you went to a technical college? What field did you go into... most advertise technology. But I do not want to assume. One way to get out of a rut is to broaden your horizens. For instance have you tried looking for a job in another state? I have a similar problem, I want a new job but an under qualified for most jobs in my state. However, there are plenty of jobs I qualify for in other states.

    If you are serious about a relationship, why not try online dating? Or even better why not join a MMO? Real life is scary, I can vouch for that. However, we have a magical tool called the internet. It allows us to meet people without having to meet them. Surely you have interests of some kind. Find a convention to attend or a group to join. In the end similar interests will bring you together. I attend anime conventions and events. It allows me to at least be seen... granted I am an old man compared to most con goers.

    There are many ways to get out of a rut. You just need to however instead of trying to jump out of the rut, why not climb. Focus on one task at a time. You will find that makes things much easier.
  4. sk123

    sk123 Member

    All I found from online dating were people that were crazier than me. And thats not a good thing.

    Yeah, my education involved technology. Biggest mistake of my life. I could have done so many other better things. Now I don't have the money or drive to do it. I am from Canada by the way.

    Im most likely going to spend my last few thousand on a good quality gun.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well that is the one big downside to being in a technology job. Things change so quickly, and we are expected to keep up. On the upside as long as you have the knowledge you can at least make a living. Sounds like you just need to buckle down and do a little studying... I know it is hard when you lack the drive, but I look at it as either study or be homeless.

    I did not know they allowed people to own guns in Canada.
  6. bringer of light

    bringer of light Well-Known Member

    Did you ever consider the fact that one of those crazy people were a potential soul-mate?
  7. Broken

    Broken Member

    theres nothing i can say that you would read and think "this is the answer". My advice tho is to talk to your family, tell them how what you are going throughand hoe it makes you feel. Also pick an urge that you have felt to change yourself and follow it through, such as losing weight or playing a sport.

    im in the same situation tho; lost my job, no girlfriend, my safety line is my family. Its tough, mind numbing and brutal. But there is always hope right?
  8. sk123

    sk123 Member

    I bought my gun. Nice 12 gauge... should do the trick. Monday will be my last day to live.

    I can't see myself turning back now. Nothing to lose.
  9. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Yeah you can still turn back...you don't have to pull the trigger...either. And gun shops take refunds too. 3k dollars can get you a decent education at a vocational school to get you back on the right track ;)

    Yeah we all get the shit end of the stick and bad luck happens wherever we go, that's life..the strong survive and the weak perish, but we're not dealt with the same type of cards. I envy you, because you have a family, a family that does care about you even
    though you feel you put them through hell with your cycles, but they are able to cope and willing to help. Family will be there and they want you to be there with them.

    I can't change your mind, but please think about your decisions, and the ripple effect it will have. Good luck on your journey.
  10. sk123

    sk123 Member

    By family, I mean parents who don't really care what I do, even if I blow my head off.

    I am a 24 year old disaster.

    No way I could ever go back to school, I was already fucked over once by that system. Life sucks for some people, thats just how it is.

    Ill spend my last hours on earth trying to find something to enjoy.
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Why not go find some kind of a certification class to take? In the technology work you can generally make a very good living with certifications alone.
  12. mandel32

    mandel32 Member

    dude i was also suicidal i am 21 now going 22 on march...... things will get better........ i know it will. i never thought that i would like to live again during those times i was suicidal. but im pretty fine now back to normal. by the way i am a filipino. living in a 3rd world country is much worst than living in ur country canada right.... pick up urself brother. i am here for u. reply me ur message....
    dont kill urself..... think about ur family and ur friends.
  13. sk123

    sk123 Member

    Thanks for trying.

  14. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    If it helps at all I am going through something similar as you. I am 22 and not able to be in college this semester because I can't afford it. I am looking for work too but found nothing yet. I feel worthless, like a bum, inadequate loser, but I don't think suicide is the answer for me, not right now at least, and I don't think you should kill yourself because of that either. And about the whole gf issue, its ok, you can still focus on other things in your life besides a girl. The more you stress about not having a gf or being a virgin the worse it will make you feel, you will meet a girl one day, it will just happen naturally.
  15. Indian81

    Indian81 Member

    Well dude , all I can say is that I am going through exactly the same thing .. out of job , out of relationship , out of money , out of friends and the only reason why I am still living is that I know I have a Mom and Dad to take care of .. Believe me , I would end this all if it were not for them .. you could go ahead and do it and free yourself but remember this that you would be putting your parents for more misery .. the only way out of this is to fight .. you may still not come out the winner but you have to fight .. that is the only way out .
  16. notafraid

    notafraid Member

    if your still alive i want to say good luck and i hope i see you soon in the afterlife. your story is very similar to my own i too am thinking about pulling the trigger. and if you find the strength to keep on living good luck anyway. this world is a harsh place.
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