Hello, I hope everyone is doing O.k. Um, so someone on this forum convinced me to make a thread about this and I now think it is a good idea because I think I need to get it out. In advanced I don't expect anyone to reply I just really want to get it out and speak about it. Ok, so from the age of about 2 I was best friends with my cousin. She got brain cancer when she was 6 and died when she was 8. Her dad/my uncle use to be so cool and fun and would do anything for me and her. After her death she moved in with my family, he was really depressed and had changed he started abusing me daily, but I thought this was justified as he had lost his daughter so he had a right to be upset and angry. My other uncle also moved in with us him I had never liked and he always use to scare me. Not long after moving in he started abusing me and raping me. I then thought this is what I deserved and there was nothing I could do. They were family I didn't want to say anything to anyone else. Um this bit I am not sure if I am allowed to post or not but um yea, My uncle the one that was raping me use to come into the bathroom when I was in the shower and then yeaa I don't really want to go into detail, but I then started to only shower when my whole family was home so he wouldn't get away with it but my room was at the end of the house and when I got out he would be there waiting, I was young and didn't know if what he was doing was right. This went on until I was 13. My teacher at school noticed the bruses and asked me what happend I just broke down and told her that it was my uncles she rang my parents and my parents didn't want to believe it and did nothing so my teacher rang the police. Before the police could question my uncle...the one whos daughter died, he commited suicide...In my room. I was the one that found him and my family blamed me I blamed me I still blame me, and my other uncle told me it should have been me dead not him. About 6 months after my other uncle ended up having to go to court and I had to testifie and my parents hated me so much and told me if he goes to jail I am ruining his life. He was found guilty and had to go to prison for 5 years. My parents still didn't believe me I don't know what more I could of done to prove it to them. Not long after he went to prison we moved to another country, my family were ashamed of me and everything that had happend and wanted a fresh start. Thing is my uncle just got out of prison and they said he could come live with us. I am 18 and I am planning on moving out of home except I have to wait another month before I can do that and have the money. I am not doing good at the moment. I attempted 2 weeks ago, and was in a coma for over 50 hours and had to stay in hospital. I couldn't talk for over a week and I now have bad memory and forget things really fast. I know I should regret what I did, but I don't. I was so convinced that this is one thing that I would nto fail at but I did. I am sorry if this post upsets anyone. I just really needed to get it out because it's like eating me alive.