My Story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Seath, Sep 21, 2010.

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  1. Seath

    Seath New Member

    my first post and i just wanted to share my story.
    im now 30 and i have been seriously depressed since i was 17.
    i went through what i thought was the hardest time of my life when i was 19 - 22.
    i have had thoughts of suicide for many years but the last 6 months have been different.
    everynight i go to sleep i hope i will not wake up.
    i feel so tired in my life and i just want to sleep for ever.
    i have felt for many years that life is just not for me like i was not made to survive.
    i have access to xxx and i really want to make that call and make an excuse to get it into my hands.
    i know that if i do i will not survive 24 hours.
    its the only way i will do it because it will be so quick.
    i want it so bad but what is holding me back ??

    i just want to sleep........
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  2. dreamstar

    dreamstar Active Member

    Hey Seath I dont post here much. I'm pretty shy. But I saw your post and could relate and thought I would respond. I've been depressed since teen years too and am now in my 30s, 32, and like you REALLY wanting out of this wretched life by now. What holds me back is my fear of botching it up, surviving, and wounding up worse off and then just death itself really freaks me out. The nothingness. I hate it. I just wish there something else out there. Like a perfect world. Anyway just wanted you to know your definitely not alone in your pain.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...sorry but I had to delete the method...but so glad you wrote here...please share with us what is going on and what has brought you to this place...also, PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs and welcome again, J
  4. ingelosi

    ingelosi Member


    Im new on here so dunno if i should comment but i just read ur story and we have been through some of the same shit.I was sent to jail by my ex, she didn't like the fact i was leaving so rang the police and told them i was threatening to kill her.I wasn't even in the house at that point but i still got remanded for 3 months.While i was in prison my auntie(37)my dad(60) and my neice(1) all died and even on the day i got out my dog died.It was the worst time of my life and i didn't even deserve to be there.

    But apart from the constant feeling that im gonna get burried by a lifeslide at any moment i actually feel i'm better off now.I saw my ex the other week in my local pub, she was with her drug dealer boyfriend, her 4 kids(mot mine)are all in care and she is a mess.I was sat with my girlfriend 3 kids and her family and that made me feel an awful lot better.

    Jail is a horrible place but if you do lose it will be fines and money well it's just money and even if you do lose and you have to pay it back, once you have ur free of ur evil exboss.then who knows maybe one day you will see her and you'll be the one that's happy because if she is doing all this because you left her then she can't be a happy person can she?

    we are all clinging on mate but as iv'e learned these last few days there are ppl who not only can help but want to help and you've found them here.

    Don't let go.
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