My Story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emoprincess, Nov 14, 2010.

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  1. emoprincess

    emoprincess Well-Known Member

    This wasn't the first time I tried to kill myself. But my parents did know of my troubles.
    One night in Aug 07 I came home from my grandparents, xxxxx. I can't as such remeber doing it. But I do have one short recolection, just before I blacked out.I felt calm. Happy. I was relieved. It was finally going to be over.

    But...
    I awoke to the sound of shouting. My mum ran up the stairs. I opened my eyes and I was on the floor. All I remember was confusion.Overwhelming pain. I couldn't feel my tounge. I felt sick and couldn't walk.I didn't know what had happened. After my mum rang the ambulance,my mum found my suicide note. She asked me what had happened. I said that I didn't know, but she didn't believe me. Then it hit me.Fuck.

    When I got into the ambulance, I was told my blood/oxygen level was 100%. I couldn't calm down. I was taken by wheelchair into the A&E. Full of drunk people and police. I was scared. Then my dad came. While I waite for the doctor,I pretended to be asleep. My mum and dad were beside me, reading my poems and songs. My mum took the book from me, I still haven't got it back. When the doctor came, I was told about my huge xxxxx. xxxxx, I still have some scars now. It was terrible to hide, especially as I was at school. Scarves were my only option. I was also told that i'd had a seizure, bit my tounge so hard that I couldn't feel it for 2 weeks, and that I was only a few seconds from death.

    I wish it had worked. Ever since i've carried on trying,and i've been self harming on a regular basis. Despite my anti-depressants...

    I still want to die. I don't know why. I'm engaged, and I love my fiance to bits. But more than anything, I want to leave this earth.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2010
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    hi emoprincess
    do you remember what brought you to go through with it that day?
    how long have you felt this way? maybe you'd like to share abit of your history and what has brought you to this point

    eva
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way...did you continue treatment after that? Many of us know how difficult it is to feel this way long term, and to not feel a part of what is happening to us...please continue to let us know what is going on and how we can be there for you...big hugs, J
     
  4. emoprincess

    emoprincess Well-Known Member

    To Eva3- I can't rememeber my reasons at all...I wish I could. Even after all this time, it's still not there. And i've felt depressed since I was 12,but felt suicidal since I was 13.

    To Sadeyes-I had a school therapist before I did it, then I was given another at a local mental heath clinic afterwards. But it didn't really work for me. I'd prefer to know there is someone I can go to rather than be forced to see someone

    Thank ou for your suppport-both of you
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    emoprincess i'm sorry you're feeling like this....
    Have you seen a psychiatrist? and have you been diagnosed with something specific?
     
  6. emoprincess

    emoprincess Well-Known Member

    Hi IV2010. Yes, i've seen 2 psychiatrists, and I was diagnosed with severe depression. Currently awaiting a possible diagnosis of M.E. too.
     
  7. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    It's quite clear that your parents love you. What makes you kill yourself? Are you in emotional pain? Is the world horrible to you? Please do not give up.
     
  8. emoprincess

    emoprincess Well-Known Member

    I know they do...but they push me so hard with college.
    I just feel like I never have any good luck. I'm cursed with a really bad teacher at college, which will really affect my chances of getting into uni.
    I've been bullied alot in my life, and ever since i've been really paranoid and self-loathing. I developed anorexia a couple of years back, i've recovered a bit but i'm not brilliant. x
     
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