This wasn't the first time I tried to kill myself. But my parents did know of my troubles. One night in Aug 07 I came home from my grandparents, xxxxx. I can't as such remeber doing it. But I do have one short recolection, just before I blacked out.I felt calm. Happy. I was relieved. It was finally going to be over. But... I awoke to the sound of shouting. My mum ran up the stairs. I opened my eyes and I was on the floor. All I remember was confusion.Overwhelming pain. I couldn't feel my tounge. I felt sick and couldn't walk.I didn't know what had happened. After my mum rang the ambulance,my mum found my suicide note. She asked me what had happened. I said that I didn't know, but she didn't believe me. Then it hit me.Fuck. When I got into the ambulance, I was told my blood/oxygen level was 100%. I couldn't calm down. I was taken by wheelchair into the A&E. Full of drunk people and police. I was scared. Then my dad came. While I waite for the doctor,I pretended to be asleep. My mum and dad were beside me, reading my poems and songs. My mum took the book from me, I still haven't got it back. When the doctor came, I was told about my huge xxxxx. xxxxx, I still have some scars now. It was terrible to hide, especially as I was at school. Scarves were my only option. I was also told that i'd had a seizure, bit my tounge so hard that I couldn't feel it for 2 weeks, and that I was only a few seconds from death. I wish it had worked. Ever since i've carried on trying,and i've been self harming on a regular basis. Despite my anti-depressants... I still want to die. I don't know why. I'm engaged, and I love my fiance to bits. But more than anything, I want to leave this earth.