My story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by endoftheroad, Feb 6, 2011.

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  1. endoftheroad

    endoftheroad New Member

    Most people who read this will probably say - "go ahead and do it you piece of shit"...

    I'm a generally good guy, work hard and am relatively successful. However I have some issues. I'm a functional alcoholic - I work everyday, but get drunk every night.

    I have some sexual issues - I got my wife involved in internet porn and she has been emotionally damaged. Pics are all over the 'net. She had an affair with a 'fan'.

    Now she wants a divorce.

    I have withdrawn from all my former friends and family. Publicly (at work) I am a nice guy, get along well with others, known for working hard and am expert in my field. But anyone too close to my private life (family, friends, neighbors) I shun all contact with.

    My private and public world are crashing and colliding with each other.

    I'm not done living, want the 'good' life still. If I could kill myself, I wouldn't be typing this now. Death terrifies me, I don't believe in any afterlife or a 'higher power'. When we die, we're dead. period. Everything you ever did is over - you won't remember it. Nothing. Ever.

    Anyway, I'm struggling with what I've done with an otherwise decent life...
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I wish I had a penny for all the things I have done that I am ashamed of...never would have to work again...many of us live in that duality...can seem 'intact' in our work lives and are suffering in our minds...I hope you find a way to forgive yourself...I am sure if you could have seen the outcome of what happened, you would not have done it...also, have you considered talking to someone to find a way to for you to live a good life again? Good people do foolish is just a part of being on the planet...welcome again and glad you posted...J
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