my story

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by earl, Mar 16, 2011.

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  1. earl

    earl New Member

    um... im new to the forum thing and i don't no really why im guna tell my story when i was 13 my family got divorced and my mother and i moved to another state a couple of months later she introduced me to her new girlfriend this didn't really bother me until both of them went to a parent teacher conference at my school and the next day i noticed the teacher's and some of my friends didn't want to talk to me a couple of week's later a freshman i was in the 6th or 7th grade told me did i watch my mom's have sex and if he could come over and watch i got really mad and hit him with a baseball bat (i had just got done with practice at school) ever since then everybody has looked at me like im a bad person just because my mom has chosen to be a lesbian when i started high school i met a girl who didn't seem to mind my mom's lifestyle and after a couple of month's we started dating and then two weeks later she broke up with me because she she got pregnant with one of her brother's friend) after that a couple of day's later i got kicked out of school for hitting my baseball coach for kicking me off the team because he didn't want my mom's to come to my game's now baseball was my only vent that i had and i was so depressed when i got kicked off the team one day i picked up a box cutter and cut myself just to see what if it would help and it did it was like i could just cut away all of my pain i did this untill the 10th grade until even cutting wasn't enough i had scar's all over my body i used to tell people that i would cut myself from fixing barbed wire fences but soon cutting myself would help but it wasn't enough so one day i picked up a smoldering branch off a pile of wood i was burning in the back yard and let the burning tip sear into my arm making a cuff around my bicep and then i had found my new release burning i started to burn myself when ever i could get everyday i would burn myself with a iron or the stove, the oven, a bon fire anything i could find i have been doing this until just recently when i figured out that i burn myself not to ease my depression but for something more i haven't figured out why i need to feel the searing pain in my skin but i am now addicted to it worse than a drug addict is addicted to drugs i fell scared and alone in a world of moving people all around me i feel like i am standing still falling into the darkness that grip's my soul i just don't no what im supposed to do......
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you i am glad you are here reaching out for some help These ignorant people who have harassed you should be held accountable for their behavior towards you. The coach should not be coaching if that is how he treats kids
    You sound like a kind caring individual and i hope you mother spoke up against the injustices that are happening here. The thing is you should not harm you for their stupidity their immaturity do not give them that power okay. You keep the power by getting some help to deal with the pain you are suffering inside It is so hard when you have to deal with ignorance it is but i do hope you can get some help ask your mom to get you some therapy okay to stop the sh Please don't allow these people anymore power. Keep talking here okay let the pain out this way so others can see and help you here hugs
     
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