I currently have just graduated college and I've been fighting depression, as well as suicidal thoughts for years now. Currently life has been given me some bumps, such as finding a job in my field and my grandmother (father's side) passing away a month before graduation. I've currently moved out of my parents with my fiance who I love very much, my history as far as I can remember started when my grandmother (mother's side) passed away. My recent attempt I was at a family reunion with my fiance and her sister. It was their family and I tend to over talk. I pride myself in my knowledge and I often find myself talk over people's heads. Before we even arrived at the family reunion I had an argument with her about talking to her family, which they come from a small town. I ended up angry and depressed while not talking through the whole reunion. One of my greatest fears is being lost and the next day I came face to face with it. We were in the middle of the country and I was sent to the store by myself to buy fruit. I turned the wrong road and had become lost, and ended up calling her. This of course started an argument, which I don't blame her because I left the car for a while to back track which frustrated her. We went back to the motel and I was feeling alone with her sister and herself arguing with me. I took a bed sheet and tried to hang myself in the shower. My fiance ended up walking in as I was fixing the sheet. She pulled me out of the shower and ended up calling my parents. We left as soon as we can and she wants me to find help. I don't have the time or money as it is for therapy and I'm hoping this will help. But I've been feeling horrible since her sister is a bit afraid to be around me I fear, she still loves me like a big brother but she's afraid if something happened she wouldn't know what to do. The way my parents checkup on me and how everyone looks at me is alienating me. I just need to talk with someone who won't treat me like the elephant in the room, and I know why they feel this way. They are worried about me, but it just doesn't help if I'm isolated. I guess I'm just trying to reach out.