My story

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Yati, Jun 2, 2011.

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  1. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    I currently have just graduated college and I've been fighting depression, as well as suicidal thoughts for years now. Currently life has been given me some bumps, such as finding a job in my field and my grandmother (father's side) passing away a month before graduation. I've currently moved out of my parents with my fiance who I love very much, my history as far as I can remember started when my grandmother (mother's side) passed away.

    My recent attempt I was at a family reunion with my fiance and her sister. It was their family and I tend to over talk. I pride myself in my knowledge and I often find myself talk over people's heads. Before we even arrived at the family reunion I had an argument with her about talking to her family, which they come from a small town. I ended up angry and depressed while not talking through the whole reunion.

    One of my greatest fears is being lost and the next day I came face to face with it. We were in the middle of the country and I was sent to the store by myself to buy fruit. I turned the wrong road and had become lost, and ended up calling her. This of course started an argument, which I don't blame her because I left the car for a while to back track which frustrated her. We went back to the motel and I was feeling alone with her sister and herself arguing with me.

    I took a bed sheet and tried to hang myself in the shower. My fiance ended up walking in as I was fixing the sheet. She pulled me out of the shower and ended up calling my parents. We left as soon as we can and she wants me to find help. I don't have the time or money as it is for therapy and I'm hoping this will help.

    But I've been feeling horrible since her sister is a bit afraid to be around me I fear, she still loves me like a big brother but she's afraid if something happened she wouldn't know what to do. The way my parents checkup on me and how everyone looks at me is alienating me. I just need to talk with someone who won't treat me like the elephant in the room, and I know why they feel this way. They are worried about me, but it just doesn't help if I'm isolated. I guess I'm just trying to reach out.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think talking to someone outside the family will help you You do need therapy to deal with your depression your loss of your grandmother your fear of being loss Therapy does help hun and medication has help me greatly I no longer have those thoughts of harming myself Get the help NOW okay don't wait years the sooner you get help the sooner you can move forward in living hugs:hugtackles:
  3. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    I've been on depression medication for a while now. I just have troubles talking to my doctor, trust me he's an ass. The last time I tried talking to him about my feelings with my fiance there, he cynically said "Oh, you want more meds then."
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    please see about finding new doctor. that was a horrible thing for him to say to you.
  5. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    youre right your doctor is an ass ! definately if possible find a new doctor !!
  6. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    I know I need to but I just have little time. I don't know why I feel like crap right now, but I came on because of it. I just got a promotion with a big raise at work and still feel like crap.

    I don't have confidence in myself... I was the kid who always was picked on for his intellect. I've never had a lot of friends and had a falling out with the friends I had 2 years ago.

    Actually, it happened when my grandmother on my fathers side went into the nursing home. I was having a hard time, and there was a friend of mine who was one of those people who needs all of there friends to be friends. He kept inviting this guy over I didn't like because frankly he was an ass. He even cracked jokes about my grandmother going into the nursing home, so I finally had enough and asked him to stop inviting him along. This ended with the guy making up a lie to all my friends that I gave him a death threat, and none of them talk to me now.

    I shy up around people and I can't really read them well, so I'm very lonely. I know I have my fiance, but it's really hard when I have an argument with her because I feel alone.

    I've always had a loving supporting family, but they don't understand me. When my grandmother on my mom's side passed away years ago I don't think I mourned enough. My mom really leaned on me and I've been angry ever since. I sort of snap at her when I don't mean to snap...

    I've tried to recently remedy this by having a talk with her and telling her how I feel after the events of this last weekend. I think I failed on the not trying to be accusing side. I'm trying to reach out and have a better relationship with her.

    Because I've been snapping for years she's been afraid to talk to me, which has made my anger fester more. Also, because she doesn't understand things I talk about all the time she switches the subject or leaves, which makes me feel hurt.

    I personally believe I have Aspergers because of my fixation on math, physics, mechanical objects, and computers. I lack the ability to understand signs people give off of being uncomfortable and I just can't read people. I can't empathize with people at all, the closest thing I can come to it is when I know I've gone through the same situation. I can't imagine myself in other people's shoes. And I'm about the clumsiest person that I know.
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